Hrm....No....No one in my family has ADD. I don't know...I've never really thought about it. I do fidget a lot but I don't really have a problem just sitting down and doing one thing for very long periods of time (watching movies). So, I"m not sure....I think i'm just not really content with where I am in my life right now so I tend to be impulsive just looking to spice up my life. I mean, I don't even have a job...I sit around the house All day with nothing to do, nowhere to go but the morning meeting and the evening meeting. And...this morning was pretty crappy. My b/f said he understands though, I was in a pretty bad mood...I just came home and started crying on his shoulder though out of frusteration ya know? I finally get a job and then had to quit right away. But, on the good side...I do have an interview at Kohls next Wed. So...I'm pretty confident about that. I worked at Meijer for about 2 years, I've worked in a gas statoin and the video store so, tons of customer service jobs. Not that I really enjoy them, but....I like it better than working with food or something and I don't seem to be having much luck other tahn that so....
So, things are looking up. I went to the 10am meeting this morning and it was good but not quite what I was looking for ya know? So, I was still kinda outta sorts when I came home but...now that my b/f isn't upset at me (I was pretty worried he was going to be, he was really glad I finally got a job) and I have another interview lined up, tons of resume's out and time to sit down and relax, I'm doing a lot better. There's this girl at the meetings actually that drives me nuts. She's about my age, really really tan (Trust me, it's important), and from what she's said...has this sucky b/f that tries to get her to drink and a daughter. Well, thing is...she lives with him, he's paying the bills and must be paying for her daughter and I happened to notice a pack of ciggarettes in her purse this morning (wonder who paid for those?) but...I guess ya know, it's just that she keeps coming to the meetings whining without doing anything. And yOu've got to wonder who is supplying her with the ciggarettes? Who's feeding her baby ya know? It must be the sucky b/f. Thing is...I see myself in this girl but I don't like her at the same time ya know? Like, I understand that her life is chaotic and crazy and she doesn't know how to change it but then again, she's always so melodramatic at the meetings...crying her eyes out one second and laughing harder than anyone there the next. She's one of those clicky chicks. I guess, that just annoys me because it creates conflict for me ya know? She's constantly trying to buddy buddy with people in the program but she's only got 30 days sober and I kinda gotta wonder if she's just doing that to keep herself sober like, she always says she's doing it for the program. Shouldn't she be doing it for herself? I don't know..just some of the things she says makes me wonder but...yeah, so she did the crying/laughing thing this morning and last night she was laughing and I was laughing and she tried to do the eye contact "look, we're laughing together like we're friends" thing. I guess maybe I'm just too anti-social for superficial relationships, I don't know. Just something about watching her try to be everyone's best friend bugs me. I'm really shy and she's very confident, maybe it's just a conflict of interests. Who know's...but....the past couple of meetings that she's at I just want to smack her sometimes. Is that bad of me to say? hehe...I'm trying to just let it go because I know we're all going through the same thing here. I know it's hard so...i don't judge too much. Anyways, I'm rambled enough. Tonight's meeting should certainly be better, I'm going to try out a new one.
In better spirits now and I'm not going to drink. It scared me how close to it I came though, just driving home high on an adrenilin rush....it was close but I'm really glad I didn't. It just tells me I need to hit the books more and hit more meetings....keep my mind on what matters.