Thanks to you all
First of all, I am so grateful to find such support and understanding here, thank you all so much!
Journey Gal, when you said your husband detcahed from people, did you notice that he detached more from the ones he was closest to? It hit me again today that this is why it hurts me so much, because in MY opinion, he should be the closest to me, because I'm the one who's gone through this hell with him. I've read that this is normal behavior, I've read others who have written similar posts. It still bites though.
We talked more tonight and I was strong and told him straight up that I am having a hard time with the fact that we are not talking more about our relationship issues. I told him that I understand that although I may be ready to start tackling them, I understand if he is not. I told him I won't be afraid to tell him what is on my mind, it's up to him to accept where I'm at or not.
Did you know that I am one of the most impatient people that I know? LOL it's true. I want things to happen yesterday, I hate waiting. I think part of this path we're on is to teach me that I must learn patience, with myself AND with others. The funny thing is I get a daily scripture via email each day and today's topic was none other than Patience. Ironic.
As for his lying, I told him that I really want him to be honest with me about everything, he knows the issues I have with trusting him. And I said if you are not, I am going to confront you, how you choose to accept that is up to you, but I am not being good to myself if I know you're lying, whether it be small or large, and I stuff my feelings about it. He agreed.
One day at a time....boy do I need to focus on this right now. It would be a lot easier to leave it all behind me and move on.