One of the words suggested by DREAMZ reminded me of an old song by Bing Crosby...if anyone knows the tune, please sing along:
You gotta accentuate the POSITIVE,
Eliminate the NEGATIVE,
Don't mess with Mr. In-Between!!!
Sounds like you're still going through a rough time, Max...better the stinky old cigar, than that you "medicate" with you-know-what!
Gotta go...aide is fixing my lunch. How I wish I could "take a walk"...have to be satisfied with going about fifty feet each way on the walker through my apartment. Oh, well...it's better than it was a month ago.
BTW...I quit drinking at 48, and I'm coming up on 75 with almost 27 years of sobriety...but, I remind myself daily that I'm only an arms-length away from a drink, and one drink away from a drunk...doesn't matter how many days, months, or years one has. This is definitely an equal opportunity disease.