Welcome, Saint! Congratulations on your decision to be sober.
Originally Posted by c'est la vie
I'm feeling grumpy, but I went to a meeting anyway. There were several shares by people with lots of sobriety years telling how important it is to stick with AA and using the steps each day rather than falling into a complacent attitude. I'm frustrated because I want to be lazy. I want to just not drink. I guess as an alcoholic I don't have that option. Regardless of which recovery program I use, I still have to be vigilent my whole life or I'll give in to the desire to be "normal" which I just can't be. Anyone else feel this way?
Oh, c'est, do I EVER feel like that, especially today.
I screwed up badly last night. I'd had a great day and was in a happy mood when it occurred to me that a glass of wine sounded like just the thing. So I popped right over to the liquor store and as the saying goes, 'that's all she wrote.' STUPID STUPID STUPID! I have NO earthly idea what I was thinking! Naturally, I drank an entire bottle of wine and feel like absolute crap today, mentally and physically. How could I just toss away sobriety like it meant nothing?
What's really crazy is that I bought TWO bottles of wine. The only
good thing I did was pour the unopened bottle down the sink this morning.
I think I just wanted to be like a "normal" person who can have a single glass of wine with dinner and leave it at that, who can casually shop at the liquor store and have alcohol in the house without abusing it. So I pretended to be one, only it didn't work. I just have to accept that it's not possible for me (as I made clear to myself once again with the episode last night). I had been in a good place of acceptance before, then I wavered a bit, and here I am again. Back to square one.
Well, at least I KNOW I can be sober. I've done it before for a good long time and I can do it again.
So I'm right there with ya, Saint, on Day One.
Wow, Rae. 27 years is just amazing. I really admire you!
