Bobby - what you've written has really made me think - I grew up 'out' of a dysfunctional family. What happened around me happened and in those times I sheltered inside myself, but my growing up took place outside of family life.
I've been giving this lots of thought because I definately grew in an unusual circumstance - most of my time was spent in shared space, a very old, very basic cafe. Where I slept was seperated from the lodgers living room by a single door - they heard my life and likewise I heard theirs. I neither knew nor missed privacy. My existance was utterly shared but I was also very aware of myself as an individual making choices, what I saw amongst people fascinated me, what I saw amongst stray and latch key dogs fascinated me. My awareness of myself was as watcher, learner, child, survivor, and sausage giver (to the dogs!!).
Once taking part in the groups 'me' wasn't watcher anymore - that singular identity dissolved into 'we'.
I think I have spent many years wondering about this, I'm not satisfied with my own answers and as yet I'm not satisfied by the answers that have been suggested to me. One thing I know for sure is collective thought surrounds us and defines huge chunks of our lives - I believe that to be the case regardless of whether it's acknowledged.