Low Frustration Tolerance
A few days traveling, waiting in airports, dealing with lost luggage and unfamiliar highways, looking in vain for internet connections in hotel rooms, trying to find decent coffee in rural Georgia.... and it was pretty easy to find situations involving this common condition….
Low frustration tolerance
LFT often underlies substance abuse and compulsive behaviors, since it causes stress, anxiety, and anger. Dealing with the incremental effects of minor irritations is the key to daily serenity. It's surprising how important managing this can be to avoiding the 'need' to alter our minds. The reward psychology of substance use is common in the advertisements for beer and wine.
Low frustration tolerance is often characterized by...
* Insistence on pursuing immediate pleasures, in spite of known costs.
* Whining, awfulizing, and engaging in self-pity.
* Ascribing absolute conditions to situations and predicting dire outcomes.
* Avoiding discomforts that are known to be temporary.
* Exaggerating discomforts even though they are temporary.
* Impatience that is out of proportion to the situation.
* Impulsive behavior to 'correct' a situation which might simply have corrected itself with time.
* Procrastination due to an inability to choose between outcomes.
Low frustration tolerance beliefs usually include…
'I can't stand it. I can't bear it. It's intolerable. This is unfair. She always does this. He never does that. I shouldn't have to do this. He shouldn't do this to me. Everybody thinks this about me.'
They are often predictive: 'Everyone will think this. Nobody will be there. We'll have to do everything. I won't be able to stand this (because I couldn't stand it before).'
Of course, they often lead to self-fulfilling conditions as we exaggerate the outcome: 'Today was awful. Everyone was unhelpful. Things were unfair.' And the solution? 'I need a tall, cold one.'
The general attitude is that I, or things, or events will fall apart. Life will never be happy or comfortable again.
Disputing these beliefs?
They are irrational, either because they are incorrect, unprovable, or grossly exaggerated.
The beliefs may be provably false, though persuading ourselves or others of this can be surprisingly difficult!
More to the point, dwelling on whether or not the beliefs are true can be unconstructive--focusing on the condition and how 'bad' things are interferes with taking action or developing acceptance.
An accurate description which separates the situation from our emotional condition can be useful.
Example: The line may in fact be slow, and the clerk may be tedious. But the line and the clerk aren't irritating; we are irritated -- this is an important distinction!
Recognizing that we are responsible for our own emotions is a crucial step towards taking control of them.
Developing high frustration tolerance:
* Work towards beliefs that are flexible, not absolute, and not exaggerated.
* Avoid absolute words and assertions.
* Recognize that there may be things that you very strongly prefer -- to the point that you might describe your preference as a need. But the fact that you have a strong preference simply makes it more difficult -- not impossible -- to tolerate a situation in which that preference is not met.
* Create a plan for effective action when the situation can be changed, or
* Learn to recognize when a situation cannot be changed at this time, and adjust to that fact.
Simple techniques:
Practice on small irritants first. 'See the spark before the flame' by noticing when you are beginning to be irked by some behavior, some delay, or some repeating condition in your daily activities.
Develop a sense of humor about the things that frustrate you. Irreverence can be a useful coping strategy.
Get an outside perspective. Others can often help you understand how you are exaggerating how dire the situation is, or can give you another viewpoint -- constructive suggestions for action to change the situation.
Pursue optimism! Seek optimistic people, and avoid the toxic negativity of angry and passive-aggressive people.
If certain people are a daily problem, develop a conscious strategy for minimizing their effect on your mood.
Remember the famous expression, ascribed to Abraham Lincoln:
"This too shall pass."
Though he was describing the Civil War, it applies as well to the line at the airport....or a kidney stone, for that matter.
Don S
2004