I almost put OT in the topic because this is not about my AH, but it really goes to the deeper reasons I found myself married to an alcoholic, so not OT at all.
Brief history--my dad (the A) died when I was twelve. My mom was textbook codependent and still is. She remarried when I was 17, not to an alcoholic, but they have that dynamic going on anyway. She caretakes and he expects it. Also, my mom is in the most extreme denial possible. After my dad died and she remarried, she began constructing her own version of reality where her current husband is the father of her children (me and my siblings) and the "previous" life with my father never existed. She even went so far as to destroy most of our family pictures and momentos. She has been pushing and trying for the last 26 years to get us to buy into this alternate reality. (with no success)
So, now she is attempting to play the guilt card on me again. I moved to a new town in June and have not called her since moving. This is not really so unusual, since I only call her every few months, anyway. She has made it known to my sister and my aunt that "her husband" is hurt that I did not call him on Father's Day. I have never called him on Father's Day, and I seriously doubt he is hurt about it. This is her pouting about my refusal to join her in her fantasy world. For one, Father's Day weekend was the weekend I moved. Like I had time to call and chat. Also, he is NOT my father.
Now she has told my aunt that maybe they won't come visit me for Thanksgiving. This is amusing to me since I posted a thread a while back about how I was actually contemplating asking them not to come for Thanksgiving this year.
Anyway, I'm not letting her lame attempt at guilt get to me, unlike how I would have reacted a year ago. But, I am wondering how or if I should handle this. Part of me wants to call her up and lay it all on the line in the form of boundaries. (i.e. If you choose to live in a fantasy, that's your choice, but I will not live there with you) Then there's another side of me that just wants to let it be and see what happens. (I'll admit, this is the evil side of me secretly hoping she will "punish" me by not showing up for Thanksgiving, since I really don't want her to come anyway!) But, I wonder if this is also sick and twisted because then it would be on her and I wouldn't have to take responsibility for my feelings of not wanting her to come.
Thanks for reading my weird, dysfunctional tale. If you have any insights into the situation, I would love to hear them.
L