I'm not good at keeping things short, but I'll try.
Two weeks ago, my father passed from cancer. He had it for a long while, lost a lot of weight over a long period, but he never had it treated. He preferred living in denial. The docs say it probably didn't matter, that the kind of cancer he had may have been slowed down a bit by chemo, but it was doubtful. So, less than a month after I took him to the emergency room, I was sitting by his side, five days back in his own home (on hospice...they are angels), when he took his last breath. I kept looking at his chest, expecting to see another breath. I kept hoping my son was wrong when he said, "no pulse." I wanted hope that this wasn't over. See, my dad & I buried a lot of past hurts in that month, and I thought we should have a future, more time.
At the funeral, three days later, my sister and I read Indian prayers. She is epileptic, and I am a recovering drunk/druggie. We stood there, both with a challenge: she had to stay calm in order not to seize, and I had to remember that no matter what, I could only honor my father by staying sober. You're doing that today for your friend, Kurt. My father never expected me to be perfect, either -- just do my best. We, you and I, can both give those we love and want to honor, our best today. I made it through all of that sober, but I will tell you honestly, of all the challenges to my sobriety, that was the toughest.
Below is the prayer that my sister read for my dad. Maybe it can bring you some comfort in all that you're going through now:
Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the wind,
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear my prayer.
Let me walk in beauty through all my days.
May my eyes see sunrise freshness,
and sunset glory.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
and my ear sharp to hear your many voices.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Make me wise, that I may learn the lessons you teach my people,
the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Oh Great Spirit, hear me.
Make me ready.
So when life fades to a last sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.
Peace & Love,
Sugah