Ayers, you can lean on us as much as you want. Most of us are willing to share all we have in the way of ES&H. (Don't mean to speak for everyone, but you all will let me know if I'm out of line, I'm sure, LOL)
But only you can do what is right for you. Only you can muster the courage to take your own life seriously. Only you can put your needs first. Only you can do the hard thing to save your children. Only you can save yourself. We cannot do it for you. I, for one, will support you all the way. But the hard decisions are on you. You are not a child, you are a grownup. I hope you can force yourself to act like one.
All the above said with total compassion and understanding of how hard it is.
L