Thank-you! I knew I could count on you to help me sort through some of these feelings. I'm not as upset now....just very disappointed. I know I can't make him change...hell, thats how I ended up in such bad shape.
He says he knows he has a drinking problem, but I don't really think he realizes how bad it is. It's one thing to say it, but quite another to really mean it. Guess it's just more of the alcoholic behavior. I talked to the counselor about it and he said if he really knows he has a problem then it's his responsibility to do something about it. He used an example of having a cavity. If you know you have a cavity then it's your responsibility to do something about it. But, since my hubby doesn't think his drinking is hurting himself let alone me and my son he doesn't need to do anything about it. I just wish he could step back and look at himself as I do. I wish he could take an honest look at himself.
His dad had brain surgery yesterday, and as bad as that is I wish my husband would take a bit of time to think about it. His dad was an A also. He drank for 30+ years. He stopped drinking about 15 years ago and since then his health has definately taken a turn for the worse. The alcohol took such a toll on his body and he can never get that back. I wish my hubby could think about what irreversible damage he is doing to himself. He claims it's because his dad only drank hard stuff and hubby just drinks beer for the most part. Just another rationalzation on his part. But, when this all came about with his dad in the last week he said he couldn't lose his dad...couldn't face it. Why can't he see he is doing that kind of damage to himself now and that someone who is here now doesn't want to lose him. Plus, hubby desperately wants more kids, but I can't help but think they deserve to have a dad for a long time too. Doesn't he think his kids would feel the way he does now? I have always worried about this damage caused by the alcohol and it scares me. I know the statistics of death among alcoholics and it scares the hell out of me.
I have been working the steps enough and been reading enough to know this is all normal A behavior. Just doesn't make it any easier. I'm tired of being his excuse. How can an intelligent man be so stupid??? He will come up with anything to avoid dealing with his own issues. How sad! I know how much better I have felt in the last month dealing with my issues and you are all right about the counseling helping me. Regardless of him I will keep going. I am very slowly getting better. I am very proud of myself for starting to set bounderies. He tries to find ways to make me feel bad about them but they are about making me feel good. My bounderies are for me...not to punish him.
No Doubt.....you made a very good point. If I don't try the counseling together I am afraid I will always wonder. I don't want to feel like I haven't tried everything. Hugs to you, Eyes Open and of course LYN. You guys really helped.
******************{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}
sunshine