Hi everybody! Let me start with hoping you all had a good holiday weekend. Although I was braced for the worst hubby did not screw up the 4th. Glad you had a good time 2many and wish I could have been there with you to enjoy the ocean at night.
OK, here's the deal. I started going to a counselor about a month and a half ago after the last time AH was arrested and removed from the house. It was just my breaking point. Started counseling, started going to Al-anon, and found you (best part of all
) Well, hubby has talked about us going to counseling for a long time but always said I should have to set it up. Well, he went to his first appointment yesterday. When he got home I was anxious to find out if he liked him. I don't think you can get any good out of counseling if you don't feel comfortable with the person. That is all I wanted to know. I didn't ask what they talked about or anything like that. Quite honestly, I don't care. Does that mean I am doing better at detaching??? And I sure in the hell would never tell hubby what I talk about in my sessions.
Anyway, hubby gets all defensive and says he needs time to chill out. Standard line meaning....I need to start drinking. So, I start to follow him downstairs to sit with him and he says I shouldn't come because he just spent an hour talking about "us." This hurt my feelings but I just came upstairs and pouted. Soon he sends me an e-mail telling me how it is crap that I give him the 3rd degree...which I did not, and how I make him feel guilty for wanting some thinking time. Then he proceeds to tell me how the counselor has told him to realize it's not all his fault. First of all, I seriously doubt that is what he said......more like thats what hubby wanted to hear. Second of all, hubby is always telling me its my fault anyway........did he really need someone else to tell him that.
I KNOW I have faults. I know I have issues of my own to deal with. I also know I have been going to counseling, meetings and here all the time. I am far from perfect but I am trying to get better. I know I have made mistakes in this marriage, but when the hell is he going to see his number one problem??? I love this man, and although he does some things that bother me his responsibility in failing this marriage is his drinking and the actions that come with it. Will he ever see that??? Will he just find other ways to make excuses and blame me???
Please help! I am absolutely heartbroken this morning. I really feel like this counseling is our last shot and I already see him blowing it. He acted like he deserved some sort of medal because he went in there and was honest. Isn't that the point??? Plus it would have been a little hard since I have been seeing this guy for over a month already. Not like hubby could go and say he wasn't a drunk. But, all he walked away from that meeting with was what he wanted to hear. And yet another perfect excuse to sit alone in the basement and get drunk last night. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything more from him. I guess I didn't expect him to shut me out, and then come up with the line about it not being his fault. He has been drinking more lately, but somehow we have been getting along. This just came as a smack in the face. Will I never learn????
Please some advice here. Have you guys dealt with these counseling issues before? How do you handle them? Is this even a good idea? I don't want to feel like there is hope if there is none. I unfortunately have to wait till next Monday for my next appointment with the counselor. So I'm counting on your wisdom to help me deal with these feelings.
HUGS
sunshine