Very curious Five, was the "thick guilt and mental confusion" part of you for a lifetime even before the active addiction and AA and wherever else your mind has been in searching for a way out of alcohol use? Is it that guilt/ confusion you were trying to escape in using? This peace that you say you feel (that I so seek), curious if you found it from escaping the guilt/ confusion imposed by external sources, relying instead on your own better judgment. Or if you're following the lead of another resource (you reference CBT). Or if you're finding your way because you've rejected the need to follow any "must" rules. Or what. See I'm still confused (though not mired in thick guilt, so I've got that going for me at least...)