Why do I feel numb?
My situation with AH as pretty much come to a head and we have all but decided on splitting up.
AH and I have discussed some general things about splitting things up. We haven't crunched any numbers together though. I think he is going to be moving out. What is scaring me right now is that I feel almost nothing about the situation. Is that normal? I know I've already cried my tears and gone through denial, anger, etc etc...but I just feel kind of numb right now. Everytime I think about the good times, I also think about the adusiveness ( verbal and destructiveness), and the drinking.
I keep asking myself if I am jumping the gun to go ahead with the dissolution. As far as I know, he hasn't been drinking the last 3 days. Why...i don't know. To prove something to me...to himself? He hasn't expressed any desire to quit altogether or join a program. He has been calm and fairly rational for the last 3 days. It starts to make me doubt myself, but then I think.... 3 days does not change a person. There are still issues he needs to deal with and I don't know if I could trust him . It would take a LONG time before I could ever feel comfortable to the point where his prior behavior wouldn't be in the back of my mind. One episode and we would be right back to square one, with who knows how much more time wasted.
The thought of coming home and not worrying about his mood, level of intoxication etc etc sounds very appealing to me right now.
If he moves out, I need to refinance in order to keep the house. Thus, I don't want a long seperation with out a dissolution. I don't think he would be very willing to help me pay the mortgage if he's not living there.
I don't know if I should try to talk to a counselor or just go ahead with the dissolution now.
Thanks for letting me vent.