:ghug3 I am so sorry for your anguish. I am going through something similar and it hurts. I am reading a good book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" and it helps me to recognize the grieving cycles I go through. My counselor told me something that helped too. She said my journey to emotional health can be related to walking up a spiral staircase. My core issues are in the center of the staircase. The core issues don't go away because they happened, but my perspective of them and my reactions/emotions to them change as I travel up the spiral staircase and view them from a different angle.