I was divorced from my sons A father when they were 2 and 5. He wasn't much of a parent when we were together due to the fact that the bar was ALWAYS more interesting. When we split, I tried to get him to share the parenting duties, ie help with discipline,support, and visitation. It worked well at first but that didn't last long because the care of 2 small children took more time and energy than he wanted to put in.
When the oldest one started noticing how often dad was drunk and said something to him was when the visits were farther and farther apart. Then once when mike was sitting behind his dad, who was driving, and could see the ditch out the window beside him, he told his dad he wouldn't go with him anymore. I supported this because I didn't want them hurt.
After that I didn't consult him on any decisions affecting the kids, if he couldn't make a smart choice about drinking and driving I wasn't about to trust him with other things concerning them.
They are 19 and 22 now, just starting to talk to him again. The youngest is now 124 days clean and sober, has a talking relationship with his dad, but since his father is still actively drinking, he won't get any closer than that. He says that if and when he has children, he won't allow his father to visit unless he is straight. He blaims his father to a certain extent for some of his addictions due to heredity, even tho he knows the decision to use was still his.
So, long story short, I explained what DAD was doing, why DAD was doing it, and left it up to them to decide. But I didn't allow him to co-parent with me because his choices were not healthy for the boys.
Barb