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I feel like my life is like a Danielle Steel novel

Old 02-14-2003, 09:35 PM
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OMG,you guys make me laugh! Na, don't like them young at all! I think they are cute to look at but that's about it. I can't say Iv been hit on a lot except when I worked for my breif time this summer,but I took it all as a joke. One night my hubby's friendswere in or at least one was his friend. This one guy had his mits all over me. Hey I don't mind a hug,but paws off please! I think that is when I started to go in my crazys again. It reminded me of my worst night ever alive. It's been an up hill battle sence. I don't know sometimes if things are real or not anymore? Ugh, I do have a kind of crush,but I don't know if it's real or not. Fanticy time! The guy is older,but thats all I will tell. Maybe weall need a little Daniell Steel to get us through!
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:39 PM
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HeyJuls, he was only after your money babe! LOL!!!! God, you must real beautiful! I guess I have not thought about being attractive in a very long while. O I do keep up,but I just do not put much time in the way I look.
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:48 PM
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Zoomer,
talking and touching are two different things.

I DO NOT like people to touch me. That is intimate.

Somebody can say anything they want and I can decide in my mind that it's about them, if they touch me then it's about me and WHOA!
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:48 PM
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Hey ya live, I see you can't sleep either. So much to think about! GG my back and Neck were killing me. I had to put some musle rub on it. I am waiting to bounce back to figure out my life. I think I'm emotionally drained.
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:53 PM
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Ya,but when it's give and take that's different. I'm not into force in either way. Iv learned a long time ago that you never pursue unless they want to be pursued,but guys just don't get it!
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:56 PM
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Of course there is always testing the waters sort to speak. You never know what is real or not real right! I see that your almost over you ex A! I have not heard you say much about him.
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:57 PM
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Ahhh, I'm eating chocolate. I took a late nap when I got in. Keep saying to myself I'm going to go read and rest....but, I've missed you all and can't tear myself away....I might miss something!?

Really I got HOMESICK for everybody here yesterday night!
Then I had a perturbing dream last night about A, that I have avoided pondering all day, keep saying I'll get back to it when I am rested....

So, maybe, sort of, I am avoiding that review.

But, I have gotten up, logged off a few times, and then decided to "check back in for a minute"...am about sick full of chocolate and if I don't go to bed, I'll smoke my cigs and be out. Oh, and that will be bad news!

So, now that you are here, let me say, Happy Valentines and good night....

Will see you tomorrow....

and remember....Rome wasn't built in a day!
Take care of your self. I care.

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Old 02-14-2003, 10:02 PM
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Kiss,kiss! I just ate a cup cake!
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Old 02-15-2003, 12:00 AM
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Well, I made a nice valentine's dinner for my family. Decorated the table with a red table cloth, and special napkins, and those little candy hearts, flowers and candles.

I grilled marinated rib eye steaks, steamed fresh asparagus and fresh artichokes served with a garlic mayonnaise dressing, made my special salad with avocadoes, roma tomatoes, and buffalo mozzarella in a special olive oil and balsamic vinigrette, then had a lemon raspberry cream cake for dessert. Damn I'm good. Also served Martinellis sparkling cider for our drink.

Then after dinner based upon my six year old daughter's request we watched "Eight Legged Freaks." Of course she got scared. That girl loves to get scared. It was a PG-13, but there wasn't anything real inappropriate in it.

We all had a nice evening, and how she's asleep, and I guess I should try to do the same.

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Old 02-15-2003, 04:23 AM
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Your funny! Yum, sounds good! I'm bad and did not fix a good dinner! I did get everyone a Valintines though and bought cup cakes. Funny, I use to write my mom and tell her what I was eating to make her hungry. I got movies too,but did not watch them yet. I got 28 days with Sandra Bullic. sort of trying to lift me out of my denile. Your a great mom!
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Old 02-15-2003, 09:15 AM
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Next Holiday I am showing up at Juls' door!

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Old 02-15-2003, 10:15 AM
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Come on down,

I enjoy entertaining and cooking for others, and doing a nice presentation. I wasn't feeling very well yesterday, but I put in the extra effort to do something nice for my family and I'm glad I did. Since I don't work, it seems silly to me to buy something nice for my husband which he will end up having to pay for.

I was raised with "the way to a man's heart is through is stomach," and it definitely works for him. LOL He loves my cooking, and says it's better than his mom's.

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Old 02-15-2003, 10:38 AM
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I'm not a fancy cook, I just do things simple,big and hopfully nurtrious. Although my kids have eaten a lot of pizza these past few days. I'm not in such a good mood. I feel like I'm crazy at the moment.
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Old 02-15-2003, 10:54 AM
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Zoomer,

Simple and nutritious are my two main key ingredients. I hate that crazy feeling when I get it. Do you suffer from anxiety? I do, and when my anxiety is high, that's when I really feel crazy.

I have two children, but my son is 26 and on his own, so I just have my six year old to contend with, and that is alot for me. Being that she's almost an only child she looks to me for everything. It's constantly "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy." She was born pre-mature, and we are very lucky that she is healthy, but she certainly can wear me out.

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Old 02-15-2003, 11:05 AM
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Ofcourse kids can wear you out! I staid here so long and been married so I could give all my kids a good life. It just does not seem tobe working. Iv tried so dam hard to be this perfect middle class woman. I hate where I'm living even though it's suppost to be one of the best places around. I hate the schools. I'm afraid to be poor only because my kids are use to a lot. My sons I love so very much,but I'm just not sure what to do. Ya, I still like to run away only because I see no future for me here. My kids love their father he loves them, and that tears me apart,but I don't love my husband much any more. I feel locked away. Maybe it's my own chosing,but I don't know. I know I don't want to drink any more,but I'm not sure if he has it in him. It's all so wierd. I did have such high hopes and dreams,but I just feel that they are lost to me.
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Old 02-15-2003, 11:27 AM
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Iv been with my husband for almost 9 years,I don't see him changing. So far everything seems to be my fault. Maybe it is. He was imbarrassed of me and my past. After I lost our first baby, I thought to myself maybe this was not such a good idea after all. I felt he lied to me. Maybe my craziness was from because I had a miscarrage,but then I got determined to save our marrage and got pregnant again and I that was my biggest commitment to him. He wanted a child despertly of his own. I felt that too because he let me buy my kids the world, I owed it to him too. I got preggers again. Then because he was the lastof his family,I felt I owed him a boy because his family wanted one so bad with their last name. Don't get me wrong, I loved the babies so much, but was so sick when I'm pregnant. It ripps me up inside and the constant every minute pain is maddening. I lost another baby of his. I pretended it did not matter,but I cried and cried. I'm over the miscarrages now,but I don't think I wouldhave been if I did't have my son. He is such a joy! What gets me is that he looks so much like me except for his nose thank God. It's small. He has the gleem in his eyes. I rarely say no to him. He is so beautiful. I never thought I'd wanted another boy,but he is my gift from God.
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Old 02-15-2003, 12:39 PM
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Zoomer,

I feel stuck in my marriage too. I also feel like I gave up alot of my hopes and dreams in order to be in this marriage and stay in it. If it weren't for my daughter I wouldn't be here. At times the future seems very bleak. I am trying though, and at least for today I am sober. I went on a very bad binge recently. I abuse opiates.

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Old 02-15-2003, 12:53 PM
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HeyJuls,I don't even know what opats are? How come you wanted to go to alasca? I never thought of that before.
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Old 02-15-2003, 01:04 PM
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Hey juls, my mother has cancer and she wants me to stay with my husband so she does not have to worry. When I got married, she did't come to the wedding,she chose to go on a trip that one of her friends invited her on instead. I felt like her and my husband would be better suited for eachother when they met. GG we went to boston because my mother wanted to see it. Anyway,my mother wanted to spend my husbands money and he sat and stair at me the whole time I ate a lobster. GG it was unnerving! I hate being watched all the time!
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Old 02-15-2003, 01:09 PM
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GG,I don't want to dissapoint her, and I'm horrible because I was wating for her to die before I left him because I did't want her to worry. That's horrible! I feel such shame. I feel trapped because she is sick, my life sucks and I'm afraid for her to die at the same time wanting her to so I don't have to stay here. Is that horrible or what!
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