Been very depressed lately

Old 01-12-2003, 10:01 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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(((((Juls))))) I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. Please do see your doctor soon and, as MG said, make sure it's not something other than what you suspect. If it is menopause related, you may want to check out this site:

MG first put me onto this website and it is excellent.

Hope you feel better soon, Juls. Please take care of yourself.

Love and hugs.
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Old 01-12-2003, 10:29 AM
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If I remember right you went off the anti-d, right?

I just found out that a major side effect of mine is being tired.
Hopefully, that will subside, anyway better tired than miserable I guess.

How do you know when you need hormone treatment? A tried to convince me I needed that but the doc thought is was an issue we should set aside for now.

I also know A was always trying to convince me I was sick and crazy so I didn't pay too much attention when he said it.

and tired
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Old 01-12-2003, 03:07 PM
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It's been a while since I've been on the boards -- dumb computer!!!

But I'm back.

So sad to read your message about your depression. It sounds like perimenopause symptoms to me -- combined with PTSD from the past.

It's so important to take care of ourselves during this time of our lives -- recovery and hormonal shifts are difficult enough in themselves, but when combined they can be h*ll. I know. I, too, have been on antidepressants for years, and can have several good days in a row. Then -wham! - I'm so depressed I can't get dressed, can't focus or concentrate, can't even crawl out of bed! Then, the next day, I seem to be back to normal.

My therapist explained that during menopause and perimenopause, hormones can flush the system and override the effects of the antidepressant. So we have to do things that may make us uncomfortable just to keep the depression at bay -- DO take a shower and get dressed, even if you don't want to -- it can help the spirit and the morale. DO get yourself out of the house, even if it's just to walk around a grocery store or shopping mall. DO eat healthy foods and drink lots of water - your body needs the nutrition right now.

And do check out the power-surge website. It has been a huge help to me over the last few years. And the message boards will give you great comfort - you will learn that you are not going crazy, and so many other women our age are going through exactly the same things.

Hugs to you, Juls. Take care of yourself. And let us know how you are.
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Old 01-12-2003, 03:18 PM
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You can get a blood test for your hormone
levels. I've been trying to find out
mine for about 6 months now-my doc never
returns my calls. Of course, I haven't
got down right mean and nasty-sheesh.
Juls, I hope you are feeling better-get
a hormone level test when you see your
doctor. This definitely could be one of
the causes. I'm 47 also, and going through some changes.

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Old 01-12-2003, 05:53 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hugs and prayers are with you. I too struggle with depression. It is very scary to get to the place you are at. Hang in, pray for peace, then let God do the rest.....
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Old 01-13-2003, 09:09 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Mine was also telling me all the time I was the one with the problems because I go to A.A and take anti-d's.

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Old 01-13-2003, 01:48 PM
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Hope your day is better. I know that some times are rough. I'v e been diagnosed with Depression. I i had it for years and been taking meds for about two years now and it works great for me. Just wanted to give you a hello...

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Old 01-14-2003, 05:30 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
It is what it is!!!
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hey juls - its me pauline!

i hope you are feeling better. how about meetings? i know you love a good meeting.

i hope you are feeling better!

love to you my friend!
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Old 01-15-2003, 01:24 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Smile Juls Welcome bakc

I know exactly where you are coming from. I too have been there. I am currently taking meds and am feeling better, but I went throught a situation similar to yours, I took time off from work and couldn't even take care of my boys.
Go to the dr. remember you have to take care of you first. Find a therapist, group, etc. Please do not shut down. You are strong and need a little help right now. Nothing wrong with asking for help.
My prayers are with you.
Sallypooh in L.A
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Old 01-16-2003, 12:50 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Thank you,

It's good to know I'm not alone. It is hard for me to ask for help. I feel bad, about admitting I feel bad. I do plan to go see an ob/gyn dr. I've been with Kaiser for a year, and I haven't even selected one yet. One reason I don't like to go to the Dr. is because it is a trigger for me. I've always gotten my drugs through Dr.'s, and even if I take someone with me, just being there triggers me to want to use, so I avoid them as much as possible. I'm still not that strong.

I'm not so depressed right now, at least I'm bathing, and getting out of the house.

Exercise is definitely a good thing to do. I know all these things, but I've struggled so long to keep my head above water, that I just get tired of it all. It's like "why do I have to fight so hard, just to feel o.k." My husband can't really relate, he just gets up and goes about his day.

I never know from one day to the next what I'll feel like, who I'll be, how I'll cope that day.

I always thought that one day it would just get better and go away. Now that I'm facing menopause, I'm realizing that it will never "just go away." I'll struggle with this for the rest of my life. That in itself depresses me. I did make an appointment to see a counselor. But I'm tired of having to see counselors. Why can't I just be normal and happy. Stupid question. Why did I have to be so abused and hurt growing up, why did I have to be raped and beaten as a young girl, raped and abused in foster-homes, repeatedly molested. I don't want to go to those sexual abuse groups, I can't listen that way to other people's horror stories. I'm a good person, I try hard to be a good mother to my daughter, but I feel like I'm damaged goods, and that I will pass on my mental/emotional illness to my daughter, even though I love her and I don't hurt her. I'm not mean to her, I don't treat her like my mother treated me. If anything I'm probably over-protective and that can be bad too.

I hate for her to see me depressed, and sad. I remember seeing my mother depressed and sad, and it confused me so, I couldn't understand.

I don't know if this sounds like I'm into self-pity, I hate pity, and I don't want anyone pitying me, but these are just my thoughts.

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Old 01-16-2003, 06:26 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Gee wiz Juls,here le me get you another bat to beat yourself over te head with! I do know what you mean abut passing things along to your children. I do know what you mean by not wanting to see another theyripist or another doctor. I do know wht you mean by will this ever end, will I ever be normal. In this pointin my life as of today,I'm OK! Right now I'm thinking "is theyripy a way for indipendance, or is it another form of dependancy". Do the doctors want me to get well, or do they want me to continue because they need clients. I'm not dumb nd hen I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL I sawthe "manitpulation in te name of treatment". Honestly, they actually taped conversations,use cameras and "tricks". I mean if that is not enough to mae a person paraniod for life I don't know what is! I swear and this is true! The first rehab I went to they actually had a Preist perform an exorsizm on me! It scard the hell out of me! I told the Preist that um, I needed to stop because I had to go to the bathroom. He scard me! I also saw the rehab put tape over peoples mouths to make them stop talking. I seen some strange stuff all in the name of treatment! Last time I was in the hospital, they had little droplets of blod up on th celing. I have extremely good eye sight. Anyway, as Iwas leaving, I said it was very disturbing trying to sleep an loing up and seeing those specks of blood. Of course they wrote down that I was halusinating! I just give up sometimes becauseno matter what you say or what you do,its analized to death! I want not to take medication and when I say that, they give me more because they think I'm depressed! I say "I dn't want to go to groups", thy think have a fear of people. I just don't havethe time,nor the money at this point in my life!. I get ear infections and have all my life, hey think I have TMJ! I try and go to differnt doctors to get my antibiotics,but they think I'm loking for drugs. I had to yell at the docotors to giveme the antibiotics that work. Tehy put down I was allergic to them,but I never was! Then theythink I'm stupid! Sh--it, I just want to be normal too, bu how can ou be normal if people don't hink you are? Then Juls you start to think that they are right. If you are scard, it's OK juls,if you feel depressed, it's Ok juls! I found that if I get depressed at times, t's OK. It's the bodies wa of healing t's self!
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Old 01-18-2003, 06:37 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I struggle with the same things, I don't call it pity, I call it frustration. I'm not "normal" I'm never going to be. I get tired of struggling with everything that ordinary people don't even have to think about. Ordinary things, like sleep and bathing, and eating and caffeine and having to excercise and on and on and on. It IS tiresome and that's a reality.

I read in TIME last night that Zoloft is especially good as an anti-depressant in women with hormonal difficulties. I am going to research it, I may ask my DR to switch me. I was on Celexa which was good and then they switched me to Lexapro which they said is the same but is gentler. I think it makes me more tired. But I just got back on them fairly recently and am going to give me time to adjust.

Hope you are okay for today,
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Old 01-18-2003, 05:52 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Thanks LW,

I just started my period, after three months of not having one, and it feels as if my body as breathed a big sigh of relief. I feel so much better, and my depression has lifted tremendously. So I guess there is a big hormonal factor here. I've been on paxil, and trazodone for thirteen years! The trazodone helps me for sleep, and the paxil is for anxiety. I think I'll be on these meds for the rest of my life. Especially the trazodone.

I've always had problems sleeping, but 12 years ago after my mother passed away, I was having alot of anxiety. My Dr. gave me Xanax to take, but did not tell me that it was potentially very addictive. I never abused it, and was on it for about a month. I was feeling better so one night I just didn't take it. I went into a terrible withdrawal. I had to go back on it, and go to a specialist to withdraw me off it. It was at that point that I stopped sleeping entirely. It may sound hard to believe, but I did not sleep for six weeks.

I had never been on antidepressants before, and it took six weeks before I was desperate enough to try them. But I was getting depressed to the point of feeling suicidal, so I agreed to go on the trazodone, because the Dr. said that would help me to sleep, and was not addictive. It does help, and it also is an antidepressant.

Most of the time for the past 13 years I have felt o.k. I hadn't felt that type of really deep depression until I hadn't had my period for two months.

I'm nervous to go on the hormone replacement therapy because there is so much controversy around it. However, if not having a period is going to cause me to feel that depressed then I would try it.

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Old 01-19-2003, 04:27 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
tracey w
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Smile depression

Hi Juls-

I too have struggled with depression and anxiety, especially this time of year. In fact, I think my addictions are attempts to self medicate. I have found relief from taking the amino acid L-Glutamine. You can get it at the health food store. 500 mg. once in the moring and once at night. It also helps with alchohol and carbohydrate cravings.

Best wishes!

Old 01-19-2003, 05:53 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Hey Juls, good morning and happy PMS:p I know I feel so much better after I start. It's like build up of volcano and when it flows, the presser is let up!
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Old 01-19-2003, 08:07 AM
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Gulp (embarassed) I figured out it was probably the factor that set me over the edge last week, when I was so mad at my daughter. Seems like that happens once a month.
Then I start.

I may ask about the trazadone. The ambien is not working for me. I tried it (ambien) once before several years ago and it triggered horrible night terrors, I am having vivid unpleasant dreams again and some other stuff I all ready mentioned.

I am all ready on Xanax for anxiety. I know better than to stop taking it abruptly. I have learned to taper it off when I feel like I don't need it anymore. Don't want to use it for sleep too because it does develop such a tolerance over time, the chemical itself is addicting. Or causes dependence. However, whatever. Daughter and I argue about whether it is the same thing or not. Debate. Not argue.
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