Blogs


aaagggghhhhh hhheeelllppppp.....

Old 12-26-2002, 07:12 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
myles1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
aaagggghhhhh hhheeelllppppp.....

Hi LADIES,

When I got back from my meeting tonight there were 3 bags of Christmas Presents on my porch from you know who. What do I do here? This is the first I've heard of him in 13 days.

Ngaire
myles1 is offline  
Old 12-26-2002, 10:23 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Day late I'd say! UM keep the gifts for the child and return any for you,or keep them if your strong enough not to be bribed.
Zoomer
zoomer is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 04:39 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
myles1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Hahahaha how right you are Zoomer a day late! It was boxing day. I'm boxing them up and returning them. The only sticky part is some of the gifts are from his parents. I think I'll enclose a letter to his mother, what do you think?

Ngaire
myles1 is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 04:49 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
myles1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
I don't get it but anyway I'm not that surprised because I had a feeling that was going to happen. He just wants to have sex with me.

Haha he'll be in for a surprise.

The thing to do would have been to call back and say I'm sorry why don't come with me to my Christmas party? The thing to do would not to have been going out dancing and making sure I knew about it, the thing to do would have been to take me out with him, the thing to do would have been to go to therapy him alone or us together instead of playing mind fu.. games for 4 months.

Now I'm in the therapy and going to my A.A and he's showing up with bribing christmas presents.



Ngaire
myles1 is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 05:35 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Peacefulpie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: toto I dont think we're in kansas anymore
Posts: 353
Hi Friend....

Personally me I would leave no door opened for him and would return everything.. I would leave them on the porch in the bags untouched for him to pick them up... Thats just me...
Peacefulpie is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:07 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,262
Blog Entries: 5
hahahahahha
Pie,
ditto, except , I'd keep the presents! So what? Call it an amends to myself...hahahhaha.............as long as he isn't in one of the wrapped up boxes....


live
Live is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:10 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,262
Blog Entries: 5
PS
the way my A "plays" is that returning them would be a response to him....a contact.........a reaction........sometihng.....know what I mean?

live
Live is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:21 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
myles1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Hi Ladies,

You see once again I'm put in a no win situation.........as some of those presents are from his parents. Well he'll be kissing my b...
becaus eI'm returning them ALL along with a letter to his Mommy about his conduct the past 4 months. The way it will sink in to her is by getting HER gifts back and if she wants to be that caught up in enabling her son then I think she should know the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Myles and I talked it over last night and he {9 years old} said well mom I think we should just send them back and say sorry we can't except them!




I'm just totally angry right now, I'm going to have to work out or something today to burn this off. I still have 10 hours before meeting time. I AM NOT GOING TO CALL OVER THERE!

Ngaire
myles1 is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:28 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Now,just reading about the in-laws presents. I think you should keep those! Why? Because they too are in the mix up into their son's behavior. Keep the inlaws and him seperate unless they are a-holes too! My daughter is very close to her father's parents. (remember I never married her father and he was between marrages). I personally woud be happy to forgo any contact because it'sall so confusing,but I realized early on that their contact with my daughter is a beautiful thing on both parts. They give her not only material things,but things I could never give her because I lack education. They have phd's so on and so forth in that family and know about many things I do not. They give her culture and I give my daughter fun. If the relationship was harmful for my daughter,I would not let her see them,but it's not. We now sort of have a mutual respect the parents and I. My other daughters call them Grandma and Grandpa too. Very confusing to the outside world,but it works for us so far. We get along for the my daughter's sake.
Zoomer
zoomer is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:33 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,262
Blog Entries: 5
Zoomer,

live
Live is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:35 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Peacefulpie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: toto I dont think we're in kansas anymore
Posts: 353
I have a ????

Is this man Myles's father or is he just your S.O?
Peacefulpie is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 06:41 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Blazinglory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 33
I am such a dope fiend! My first thought, "Sell them on EBAY." LOL (I'm also an EBAY junkie so please ignore the previous sentence!)

To Thine Own Self Be True...I have to do this in all areas of my life. I thank God everyday for the addict (recovering) in my life. We've both been around long enough, been through our share of unsuccessful relationships and by the time HP got around to us there's some very basic things we live by. The bottom line, he doesn't take my crap and I don't take his. I've been told more than once to walk right back out that door and when the "attitude" decides to change to walk back in.

For me personally I don't tolerate the head games, chaos or the craziness any more. Those are the games I played in active addiction and that just doesn't work in recovery. The program is about change and this old girl had a lot of growing up to do...the old ways of doing things had to go.

I don't know how long you've been in recovery ~ the longer you go to meetings, "stick with the winners," be true to yourself...if we don't stand for something we will fall for anything. You deserve so much better than what you have received in the past from this guy. Something I heard that knocked me up beside my head years ago...the person we're with says as much about us as it does about them...I almost slapped the person that told me that because the person I was with at the time (not my honey now) was a chronic relapser and I had several years clean...talk about a rude awakening!!!

Thanks for letting me babble
Blazinglory is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 07:03 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Good Morning Everyone, I am not sure what I would do with the presents and everything that has been said makes sense ... each thing for it's own reasons.

Do you think there is actually anything in the presents that you really need?
If it is just a bunch of worthless junk that he is trying to give you so that he can say ... see there I am trying to be what you want ... give you what you need and you won't let me ... you won't accept me .. etc .. the usual ration of s*** that we get ... then maybe as a visible signal to him and to yourself that you don't need him or his junk.
You should take it all and build a nice bonfire?
Kind of out with the old and in with the new you?
Might even be fun ...
You could get some marshmellows and roast them over the fire ... make a party of it.
sealy is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 08:27 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
myles1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Hi Ladies,

First things first, Brian is NOT Myles father so there is no reason for contact with any of his family.

I've been in recovery But for the Grace of God one day at a time 5 years on the 6th of March.

Just for today I'm turning it over. As far as I can see now all the presents will be returned, there is no reason to open any of them and Myles isn't even curious about them.

My ala-non sponsor just finished telling me if she would have had the guts when her ex was doing the same thing she would have sent what he gave back.

I feel hurt because it's not because he loves me or wants me back it's just so he can hook me back in a nd abuse me some more.

But really the hurt is on him becaus ehe's the biggest loser in it all. ALL TO MAINTAIN CONTROL YOU KNOW!!!!!

Ngaire
myles1 is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 08:32 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
myles1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Boy I just find it very hard to believe how abusive he's turned out to be.

Ngaire
myles1 is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 08:34 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,262
Blog Entries: 5
I say this all the time....
Living well is the best revenge!
Been thinking about my views about that but I'm not in bad company....Ben Franklin said it first.


live
Live is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 09:13 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Hey! I'm alittle lost as to the history of this man, and I don't have the time to read but I can share that when the A is acting in their insanity, if we are codependant, we have to pursue peace. You know as well as I do that anger, resentment, rehearsing verbal retorts and visualizing retaliation will just make YOU feel bad in the long run. The bad thing is us moms are supposed to model how to cope with life for our children (this is rather cumbersome to me most of the time... LOL). Pursuing peace to everyone is so individual; however, I think just quietly disposing of the gifts and getting them out of your site will help you detach. Nothing you respond to at this point will be done out of love, and is not healthy.

My two cents, and again this is just my experience.
Cajun girl is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 11:34 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Ngaire, Don't know if it will help but I am sending you a big hug and all my love and support. I think you are very brave and strong to not be suckered in by his attempts to maintain control over you.
Take Care Sis,
Sealy
sealy is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 11:38 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Sorry

Ngaire, Sorry about the post that suggested the bonfire ... as I think on it now I know that would just be acting out and not a very peaceful response or solution to your problem. I guess I think things through a little more before I open my big mouth and make suggestions.
One of the problems with being co-dependent is that I feel that I can solve everyone's problems ... when in reality I cannot even solve my own ...
Sorry,
Sealy
sealy is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 11:52 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Peacefulpie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: toto I dont think we're in kansas anymore
Posts: 353
(((((Sealy))))))

Honey, it isnt a bad thing to share our ES&H for me it is when others share theirs I learn... I make mistakes and open my mouth befor I think also... In fact I just recently made a mistake on the boards in AA forum titled the Big Book is wrong... The post wasnt meant to say I thought the book was wrong... but it came out like that... Sometimes for me open my big mouth and sticking my foot it in helps me to learn where I need to work so that I may grow... Personally Sealy as long as your shareing and your sober your growing and learning... thats just my 2 cents worth.
Peacefulpie is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:27 PM.