Violence vs. Nonviolence

Old 12-26-2002, 04:26 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Posts: n/a
Violence vs. Nonviolence

I originally posted these on the alanon board. I am going to repost it here since this has been a topic lately.

Give it a minute to load.




- Are you being yelled at? Blamed?
- Do you feel you're being humiliated in public?
- Are you being called selfish? (not doing what the other person wants)
- Are you compulsively people pleasing, complying or running away?
- Are you being called childish because you express needs and feelings?
- Are you fearful about expressing your opinion?
- Are you being put down, and grilled - "Perry Mason" style?
- Do you fell stuck because of inappropriate "compassion", "forgiveness" or
"understanding" for this person, BEFORE appropriate anger has been expressed?
- Do you consistently feel guilty, fearful or angry with this person?
- Do you think those who are nice to you are "stupid, wishy washy-wimps"?

ACOA'S frequently stay in abusive situations. Abusers may be parents, employers, spiritual advisors, lovers, spouses, friends, sponsors or yes, therapists. Abuse arises from a sick need, (frequently of someone who was also abused) to control, vent anger, boost a sick ego, or to stamp out signs of health, dissension, independence, love, kindness or joy--expression which the abuser resents or doesn't understand and may thus label as "weakness".
Abuse can produce effects similar to toxic drugs: borderline functioning, disorientation, loss of identity, depression, false confidence, no confidence, acted out anger, lying, self isolation, or shame. Other effects might be: to follow orders as if sleep-walking, (often against one's better judgment) or even to perceive the abuser as "wonderful", "my protector".
A common response to abuse in ACOA'S is to blame ourselves, often in a FIERCE Fourth Step: "dishonest, lazy, scattered, procrastinator, selfish, intolerant, spiritual midget", and on and on. In fact, all of these behaviors may frequently be necessary, to defend the psyche against further disintegration, in the face of continuing abuse.


- Listen to your Intuition, Higher Power, Inner Child: suspect that abuse is indeed happening if you hear rumblings
- Get outside validation that the abuse is occurring (meetings, therapists, etc)
- Gradually gather awareness and strength to put the abuse down
- Learn NOT to pick up abuse, as an addict learns not to pick up his drink, his food, his drugs, his work, his anger - one day at a time
- Prepare exit lines ("I have to call Chicago now"), and walk away from any situation which threatens to become abusive

AS A RESULT, either: - the abuse will stop
- or you'll be asked to leave
- or you'll CHOOSE to leave the situation, for good!

Any of these actions will be a step towards reintegrating your personality and living freely - and happily.

from A New York ACOA, March, 1987
(End of File)
Old 12-26-2002, 05:16 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Hey ya MG, wow heavy stuff! Ha, I could take the circle with abuse on it and stick it on my past life with my ex! Ya, I get tired of feeling guilty! I'm sooooooo happy to have you guys!
zoomer is offline  
Old 12-27-2002, 11:09 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
myles1's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
One of Brians BIG JOKES was calling me the maid and introducing me as his made. H e cerainly did treat me like a servant.

myles1 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:19 AM.