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I need help! I can't get HONEST!!!!

Old 03-31-2002, 05:55 PM
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BABYBLUZ
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Post I need help! I can't get HONEST!!!!

I'm new in recovery, I am 21 years old and I'll have 6 months on April 21st. I didn't listen to the sugestion, NO RELATIONSHIPS, and i got in one with two weeks clean. I don't know who I am and i pushed him away along with every woman in the rooms of NA. All the men talk to me cause they only want one thing. I feed into that by totally flirting with them. I wound up in a Mental Health ward of the hospital with 4 and a half months clean because i cut up my arm over this guy that left me. I lie to everyone cause i don't want anyone to know me. I don't want to get hurt. I am scared and lonely. I am afraid to go to meetings, but i go cause I know I have to. When I go I am so uncomfortable because of the things I have done. I have had like 6 sponcers cause everytime someone gets close to me I push them away. PLEASE HELP ME I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

Lost and Lonely,
Danielle
 
Old 04-01-2002, 11:50 AM
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PLEASE HANG IN THERE!!! DONT GIVE UP. TO BREIFLY TELL YOU MY STORY, I AM MARRIED TO A HEROIN ADDICT, HE LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN FOUR MONTHS AGO AND I WAS PREGNANT!! I HAD AN ABORTION, LEFT MY HUSBAND AND WAS SUICIDAL UP UNTIL RECENTLY. IF I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU!!! DONT GIVE UP!! I BEG YOU DONT GIVE UP!!
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Old 04-02-2002, 05:19 AM
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BABYBLUZ
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I am hanging in there it is really scary though. I have been talking more and more with my sponcer. I have also found out how much easier it is to be truthful with people on line cause I don't have to look at them. So I have been reaching out this way until I am more comfortable with people in person. Plus I created quite the mess for myself and it will take some time to clean up.
Thank you for responding
Danielle
 
Old 04-02-2002, 07:22 AM
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Hi Danielle:

We have been all very scared at one pointi n our lives about the things that we have done in the past and how we will be judged and what people will think of us....I am not an addict - but like Diva - I was involved with a heroin addict who has the same tendencies as you have had...He will only let the people he loves get so close because he too is SO afraid of being hurt...I have tried to explain to him that getting hurt is a part of growing just as loving is part of growing....what i find strage is that he runs to people who he knows will use him, who will hurt him - but it is hurt that he has had before, he knows how to deal with and re-inforces in his mind that he is worth nothing..... He is in FL right now working on his recovery and unfortuately - we no longer talk because i can't watch him spiral down...

what i am trying to say is that we have a tendency to live too much in our guilt... we all have a tendency to make judgements about what others will think about us before giving them a chance to get to know us.... My philosophy is that if the first person i meet makes a judgement about me and i don't like that- i move on to the next...there are ALWAYS people out there that will lolve you for who you are, warts and all.... Keep sharing with us, keep sharing with you sponsor - you will see the progress and become more comfy in your skin.... one you are comfy with you and your emotions - everything else will start to fall into place....

Love
Ogly
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Old 04-03-2002, 05:13 AM
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Danielle, it sounds to me like you are having no problem getting honest on the boards so we are just going to have to help you figure out how to get honet in the rooms.
I understand what you are saying about alienating women and flirting with men. First things first, find one woman you can trust and don't use any of your old excuses not to stick it out with her as a friend. You need a female friend in the program.
As for the man thing, you are probably doing what you are doing because you are comfortable doing it; it is what you know. In my opinion, it is time for you to find some activities that will help you develop some self-worth. and those activities include getting a sponsor that you can trust and working the steps. In your past, you may have felt like little more than a meat market but you are in recovery now and you deserve to treat yourself (and be treated) like prime rib.
Give yourself a break and find someone who can help you hold the flashlight up to all of these issues and behaviors and help you to see where they are coming from and how to sort them out. It will take time but it is well worth it.
Congratulations on your six months! That is fantastic!! Mine is coming up pretty soon, on the 18th.
If you need a cyber-sis in recovery, feel free to emal me anytime.

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The lie is dead...We do recover!

Gettin' Better!
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Old 04-03-2002, 05:17 AM
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It sounds like you have a sponsor...sorry about that. i hope you are giving her the opportunity to really help you out. That is what they are there for. Good luck and stay the course!

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The lie is dead...We do recover!

Gettin' Better!
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