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Julia?

Old 06-15-2002, 05:01 PM
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Morning Glory
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Julia?

I haven't seen you lately? I hope all is well with you.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 06-15-2002, 08:02 PM
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Ann
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Juls

I miss you too. Haven't heard much from you and hope you are doing okay. Give us a post if you feel like it.

Hugs
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Old 06-16-2002, 05:19 PM
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MG, Anns,

Thanks for asking about me. I don't really know what is happening with me as of late. I've been feeling so lost and confused. Now that I've put the drugs aside, I'm not sure what direction my life should take. I'm worried about the future, I'm very uncertain about my marriage, and I have lost all confidence in myself.

I've been reading the posts, but I don't feel like I have anything useful to say to anyone, so I haven't been posting.

Maybe I'm depressed, but I'm already on anti-depressant medication.

I want to get a job, but I haven't worked in over five years, and I don't know what kind of job to look for. The hours need to be when my daughter is in school, so it would be only part-time. I feel so dissapointed with myself. For a time I felt really good about myself and being in recovery, so I don't understand my feelings now.

I started feeling this way while I was sick a few weeks ago. It took me quite a while to get over the virus that I had, and although I'm feeling better physically, I haven't perked up mentally yet.

It's hard for me to post and ask for help when I'm feeling bad. Or I feel like I'll be letting others down if they see I'm not doing well.

All the problems in my marriage that I tried to run from with the drugs are really coming up, and I just don't know how to handle it.

Juls
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Old 06-16-2002, 05:31 PM
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Julia,

I'm so happy to hear from you. Please feel free to post. Sometimes we help others more by sharing our weaknesses than we do from sharing our strengths. It is a part of recovery to feel feelings that you may have burried with alcohol or drugs.

Talking about these emotions are a part of healing. When you keep them a secret you are in danger of building walls around the emotions and then they can't heal.

Please join us on th naranon and alanon boards and share your thoughts. We are here to support each other.

Lots of Hugs,

MG
 
Old 06-16-2002, 05:33 PM
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Juls

Welcome back. I am sorry it has been rough for you, but please don't ever feel like you shouldn't be sharing. None of us would be here if our life was rosy every day.

Give yourself time to heal from your illness, and take your time addressing the issues at hand. They don't all have to be solved at once.

If you feel a need to work or be active, why not take something simple and part-time that would work with your schedule. Do something you like doing. I have a friend who was a surgical nurse and she just burned out at that job. She works for a florist part time and has never been happier.

You are a terrific lady, and I know the strenght you have shown here in the past, will return to you with a little healing.
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Old 06-17-2002, 02:19 AM
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Jules,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we can be our worst enimies. You are healing, recognizing feelings you probabley haven't had before, it is ok to feel the way you do.
I personally have kept a journal, when I couldn't find words, I draw pitures. Also I quote people in my journal, such as books, or articles I've read.
Just take it one day at a time. As for finding work, I'm sure there is a local government job place to assist you for free with your resume. You may even qulify for some sort of job training program thru some non-profits or the government.
Just because you didn't work for five years dosen't mean anything. Employers are looking for reliable people, who want to come to work on time and give their best. Also, employers love to hear that you been home with your children, they don't need to know anything else. Focus on your positives.
Another thought, if you are income qulified the goventment will give you child care assisitance, call your local County government for information to get the process going. Then your hours won't be so limiting for you in your job search.
And if you really want school hours, look at the schools for job opportunities.
Good luck and Blessings upon you!
Sweet <img border="0" alt="[Thumb]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/thumb.gif" />
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Old 06-18-2002, 09:02 AM
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Juls.....

im happy to hear from you hon. I really worry about my relationship too...its not all it could be,or once was....its very scary, to feel the ground moving beneath your feet like that.

I had a bit of a relapse, drank a bit.....I get depressed juls and think an addicted clancy is better than no clancy.....cos i just feel normal when im using....and totally like this <img border="0" alt="[Jumper]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/ukliam2.gif" /> when im not...its too much,and everyone likes me so much more when im using,cos im more normal,kind of plasticised i guess....when im straight i start to think,i start to question stuff,it makes me unhappy, because there are no answers to the stuff i ask.And it upsets everyone else.As soon as i don't use fop awhile, people say 'are you using again, clancy...' damn it!

I feel like just givining in sometimes, my doc told me that I can go on long term MMT if neccesary......im considering it because i want a life....and because im tired.

What do you think? I just don't want to be stigmatised.

Clancy
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Old 06-18-2002, 02:53 PM
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Clancy,

Honestly, I'm afraid of Methadone. Unfortunately, I think you do get stigmatized. There is a website which promotes positive information about methadone. It is methadone.org My brother went on it for awhile and didn't like it, then went through a difficult withdrawal getting off it.

Good luck if you decide to do it. Let me know how it is for you.

Juls
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Old 06-19-2002, 02:56 AM
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To Clancy

Clancy, I asm 52 and one of the valuable lessons I learned in life whas that if I was doing something positive with my life that was about me and didn't hurt anyone else, I didn't give a tinkers dam what "other people" thought.

I learned that there are people in this world who love me no matter what my choices, and there are people who will criticize and "talk" no matter how well I live. It is okay with me if not every single person in the world "likes" me. I don't "like" everyone I meet either.

The important thing it that we like ourselves. The slogan of CoDA (my 12-step grou) is "To Thine Own Self Be True", and I think that says it all for me.

You know what is good for you, and you know what you have to do to get it. Sometimes it takes a lot of work, and even tears, but if you really want it you can have it. And in the end, it is worth it because you are worth it.
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Old 06-19-2002, 03:15 PM
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Julia

I responded to your PM but I don't think you have picked it up yet. Hope your days get better.
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Old 06-20-2002, 10:06 PM
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<font size="6" face="Verdana, Arial" color=red>

JULIA ???????

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Old 06-22-2002, 01:55 PM
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Old 06-23-2002, 10:22 PM
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MG,

I'm hanging in there. This weekend was my sixth anniversary. My husband took me to a beautiful hotel for the weekend, out to dinner at the restaurant we went to on our first date, then today we went to a popular concert event out here in the Bay Area, "New Orleans by the Bay." We stayed all day, and listened to some great music.

Juls

Anns: I responded to your PM
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Old 06-24-2002, 02:01 AM
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Hi Julia

Happy Annivesary.

I replied to your reply too LOL.
It says "unopened" on mine so let me know if you don't get it and I will resend tonight. I'm hading to work early today.

Have a great day!
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Old 06-24-2002, 06:00 AM
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Julia,

Happy Anniversary!

I'm glad you had a good time and it's good to see you.

Don't be a stranger,

HUGS,

MG
 
Old 06-24-2002, 07:27 AM
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Juls -
I too want to wish you a happy anniversary!!.

I hope you are feeling better. I can realy relate to your feelings of being lost and confused. It is true, what could be happening is that you are feeling things that you have not felt before because they were masked with drugs. That is what happened to me. It was a 1 1/2 - 2 years into my recovery and I was feeling totally lost I was dealing with life on lifes terms which is not always easy. People stopped treating me as though I was a bird with a broken wing (my family and close friends treated me that way at first, it was there way of protecting themselves and helping me I think). But then the reality of things hit me.
Keep posting and expressing your feelings. Write in your journal, draw, whatever works for you to get the feelings out. Your sponsor, meetings everything. When I feel as though I have nothing to contribute as you said you have been feeling. For me that is my disease talking to me, telling me that nothing I have to say is worth hearing. But that is not true for you or for me. Fellowship and support is so important. We can all help each other just by being hear. Don't let your disease (that is what I call it) talk down to you!!!
God bless and I look forward to hearing more from you.
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Old 06-24-2002, 02:17 PM
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Pauline,

You are so right. Sometimes this fog descends on me and just seems to take over my mind and spirit. I become very withdrawn, my self-esteem falls very low, and I lose all confidence in myself. It is not until the fog starts to lift that I can look back and see how dismal I was. Then it seems obvious to me what was happening, but when I'm in it, it's as the saying goes, "I can't see the forest for the trees."

I'm also starting to experience symptoms of menopause, so I don't know how much of what I've been going through emotionally is related to that. A friend of mine told me about a book called "The Wisdom of Menopause," by Christie Northrup. I am definitely going to get it and read it.

The past several days, the fog is finally lifting and I am starting to feel better and lighter emotionally, even happy. I am embarassed to say, but during the time I was feeling so much despair, I used drugs. I felt too ashamed to admit it to people here on the board, which was also one of the reasons I stopped being active. I felt it would be hypocritical of me. Now I feel that I can admit it to others and learn from it.

I am always amazed at the support I get when I do ask for help here. I always think that no-one cares about me, or maybe that I'm not worth caring about.

MG, I also really appreciated your reply to my PM.

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