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Old 11-20-2002, 07:19 AM
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((((((((Friends))))))))

Wow....

The response I have recieved from all of you has completely humbled me....
I really need to share something with you. and I hope you dont mind.....
I post for 2 reasons...
One is a VERY selfish motive.....
Myself... I use these boards like that as a journal....
TWO... Also a VERY sefish motive....
Because I need you all.
My sobriety depends on 3 things today..
1a) A daily reprive that is contingent upon my spirituality.
2a)Because without "WE" there is no me.... I am like a child who will forever need the fellowship to help me walk through what ever path I happen to be following.
3)and no matter what even if my ass falls off(which if it did I wouldnt mind...lol) NOT to pick up that first drink/drug..
Thank you all very VERY much for participating in my recovery and for reminding me that TODAY I am NOT alone. I love you all.
Your sister in recovery.
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Old 11-20-2002, 07:44 AM
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Hey Peace -

I could not have found better words myself to express why I am a part of SR also (especially the ass falling off - LOL, seriousl!!

thanks you all you give to us.
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Old 11-20-2002, 06:15 PM
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You go girl friends! For me it's not only not drinking, but to try and live in a change world with me making it some what better. I was so so lonely in the world out there with people who just did not understand what i have been taught. Honesty is almost the most important thing of recovery! I'm sending out hugg waves through the air in hopes it reaches you ad you can actually feel it! Thanks for letting me be wierd! Ha, it's hard trying to be normal!
Zoomer
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Old 11-20-2002, 06:21 PM
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Zoomer,

I know what you mean about people not being able to understand. I have a friend who tells me that being involved in NA and going to meetings is a crutch, the same as using drugs was. I just can't understand how people can think this.

I tell her, unless you've been through being addicted, and getting recovery, she cannot understand. Even if meetings are a crutch, which I don't think they are, it's a better crutch than using. It's hard for me to explain to someone who has never been around recovery, what the fellowship gives me. In the beginning I used to feel like I didn't belong, and didn't want to belong. Now I'm grateful to belong to a group of people who can understand what I've been through, and where I'm trying to go.

Juls
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Old 11-21-2002, 05:36 AM
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Hey Juls! Ha, when I read your name I think of Orange julius. Remember the OJ stand that blended the most wonderful orange juice drink (Non alcholic). I do not think of being in the programs as a crutch. I think it gives people who do have souls a place to share and be honest because we just cannot function with allthe crap inside. O'ya, the not drinking and drugging too. The way I see it is that you drink and drug to cover up the void. Once you take away the stuff that is damamging you further of course you need something to replace it! Duh!!!!!!!! I mean after you dig a hole or a hole has ben dug if you leave it open your bound to fall in again. If you fill it up and hopefully with good stuff there is less of a chance to fall back in. For me I'm on he road in recovering futher from being in a void. It will take me for the rest of my life and you know what? Today i do not mind! I pray I do not drink today a hopefully good stuff will fallow!:p
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Old 11-25-2002, 10:08 AM
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I have to agree. Having people there who understand and getting involved in these things is certainly not going to kill us as drugs and alcohol most certainly eventually will. And it doesn't take away from us either. It always gives. This board alone has given me so much in the last 4 days than I thought I could ever receive and I didn't have to wait in a doctors office, break the law, hurt my children and family and continue my slow progress to suicide. In fact, it's been the complete opposite. I've become part of a community that understands, friends who share the same desires I do in recovery and nobody is handing me a handful of pills and assuming I'm a better person numb to life on drugs than I am off of them. I love my children so much more and that seems unreal since I thought my heart was already going to burst from the love I have for them. I hug them more, I sit with them and I listen to them, look them in the eye and really understand them where when I was on drugs they were probably never listened to nor understood. I just nodded my head and pretended I was listening. I probably couldn't resite one conversation I had with anyone of my children in the last 2 years, but I could give you a hundred examples in the last week.
My daughter shares my tears. When I cry, for any reason, she sings to me. She's always done this, but I missed out on 2 years of that kind of empathy. The same empathy I get from you guys. Not drugs. You guys show me lite where drugs showed me darkenss, self destruction and hopelessness! I guess if I thought about it, I could go on forever, so I will shut up now. lol.

Jessica
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Old 11-25-2002, 12:30 PM
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Hey Jess, I found that there is nothing wrong with letting your children see you cry. My husband is a more internal person, so I have tried to be too and it just messes me up! If a child's hug can cure your woes, then that makes the child a better person too! Speaking of children, ugh my oldest and youngest are breathing down my neck:p TTG!
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Old 11-25-2002, 01:31 PM
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I agree. My children are very emphatic kids. When I was sick this weekend, my girls fought over who was going to take care of me. They both won. My 4-year-old son loves putting lotion on my feet. I'm a lotion freak, I have to use it everytime I have gotten any part of my body wet. The doctors call it compulsion, I call it relief. =0) Anyway, he thinks it is fun. The only time I really try not to cry in front of my children is when I've been hurt by one of them. i.e. my oldest has told me a lot that she hates me and wishes she could live with grandma. I'm afraid that if she sees me cry when she's said something then she won't express herself to me anymore. Or if I'm totally freaking out, hopelessly crying, which I usually only do with my mom when the kids aren't around. The reason why is because when I feel that hopeless, while bawling my eyes out, I say things that I don't necessarily mean that I definitely do not want my kids listening to. Like saying that I would be better off dead, or killing myself. I have a few of those kind of episodes in the last week, but I feel so much better afterward. And talking to my mom is always a relief.
I know the feeling of having them breath down my neck though too. =0) I'm lucky right now because the 3 that are home right now are asleep and my oldest doesn't come home for another hour.

Take care

Jessica
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