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I let her steal my joy....

Old 06-18-2005, 09:39 AM
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I let her steal my joy....

This past week I let my step kids mom steal my joy. She is an unhappy woman and extremely moody. One day we can talk and she is super nice, the next day she treats me like crap.

But this is not about her. It is about me and how I fell into the trap of letting her steal my joy.

I have pulled out my toolbelt to use my tools again, every once in a while it seems I stick them in the closet .

I am powerless over people/place/things...and her

I cannot control a situation that involves anyone other than me LOL.

Today I take my joy back...I pray for her to find peace and happiness within herself. I pray for my step kids to find their own way in life. I get my behind to a meeting tonight where it belongs and I call my sponsor.

Today I separate my thoughts from my emotions and I stay in gratitude.

Thanks for letting me share!
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Old 06-18-2005, 09:54 AM
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Paulie,

It is easier for an unhappy person to bring us down than it is for us to bring them up.

You've already posted what it is you need to do. You have a good program. As far as putting the tools in the closet, I know that one all too well.

I'll tell you what, we can do this together. You pull yours out, and I will pull mine out. We'll have a 'craftsman' party. OK.

You are already doing the only thing you can do, Pray for her.

You just be the best step-mom you can be.
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Old 06-18-2005, 09:58 AM
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I'll tell you what, we can do this together. You pull yours out, and I will pull mine out. We'll have a 'craftsman' party. OK.
Let's party girl!!! (((HUGE hugs to you)))
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Old 06-18-2005, 10:11 AM
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Hi Paulie,

You are doing great being able to deal with your step-kids mom most of the time. I'm sure it can't be easy. But, of course you're doing the right thing. Family issues are so hard sometimes. Your step-kids are so lucky to have you in their lives, especially since their mother is moody and unhappy. Glad to hear you have your tools out!

Love, Anna
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Old 06-18-2005, 10:21 AM
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It is funny, it a weird kind of way.

When she was so snotty on the phone about something so simple the other day I was telling my H later about the conversation and I said to him "I don't understand why she has to be that way" (and this is not just a new wife old wife thing, I have heard her talk that way to her kids, to her mom, to her new H). My H said to me 'she has always been that way".

You know it took every fiber in my being not to ask "WHY THE HECK WERE YOU WITH HER?" I know why he married her, they had a baby, but it is not for me to question why he was ever with someone especially over 20 years ago LOL. I mean I know I have a few in my past that people say "WTF were you thinking?"

I just had to get this out and share it.

thanks.
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Old 06-18-2005, 12:42 PM
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Every time I have to deal with either of my ex-husbands I think "WTF was I thinking" So your not alone.
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Old 06-18-2005, 02:13 PM
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Dealing with my ex now, I am always wondering what the heck was I thinking???
Nope, definately not alone there!!! :nono:

Shalom!
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Old 06-18-2005, 03:53 PM
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I know how you feel.. It's like some people put the Vulcan Brain Grope on your head and try to suck all your happiness out. Don't let her live rent free in your head. I'm trying to get more detached from the people I know who s#rew with my "niceness" but they all still get to me sometimes and it irritates me cuz I should know better.

You know that scenario in the Peanuts cartoon where Lucy holds a football for Charlie Brown to kick? Charlie says to Lucy " I'm not gonna kick it because you'll pull the ball away at the last minute and I'll fall on my butt" Lucy replies sweetly "Charlie, I won't do it this time really I won't" Well you know what happens... Charlie goes to kick the ball and at the last minute, Lucy snatches the ball upward and poor Charlie falls on his ass again. That's what I try to remember when a person who has screwed with my head in the past re enters my life acting really sweet like!
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Old 06-18-2005, 05:41 PM
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Yep...I will remember that. Thanks. I think I will call her Lucy from now on kidding!!!
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Old 06-19-2005, 10:53 AM
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Love that Lucy/Charlie Brown comparision, I will always think of that now, it's in my head!! lol

Yep, Paulie, I know what it is like dealing with ex's and wondering "what was he thinking" too.......also know that many have thought about and currantly wonder "What was I and am I thinking now"...lol

not alone. It is good that you recognize it and not fall into the trap for too long before pulling out those tools.
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Old 06-19-2005, 05:37 PM
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Michski..
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Old 06-20-2005, 07:20 AM
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You know I learned something really important about myself yesterday. I was talking to my H about her and stuff and I realized that I think I am better than her. And that is completely wrong of me. I don't have to agree with everything she says or does, but I am no better than her, I am just different.

Hard thing to admit...but true.
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Old 06-24-2005, 12:48 PM
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paulie, i just love your attitude & how you put all your words / feelings together & end up with a positvie attitude!! You are my "Life saver" just ready your stuff!

Oh btw...have you noticed, I'm back! lol (not that I ever went anywhere!)
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Old 06-27-2005, 08:21 AM
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Yes I noticed and I have missed you!

thank you (((hugs to you)))
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Old 06-27-2005, 12:05 PM
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Paulie, I quote you all the time. Other people's opinions of me are none of my business.

And I remind myself that they are projecting/reflecting their own personalities, has nada to do with mine.

hugs,
live
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Old 06-27-2005, 12:11 PM
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(((Live)))
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Old 06-29-2005, 06:59 AM
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Paulie, this has been nagging me.

Inventory includes counting our assets. YOU are a very thoughtful, considerate, kind, helpful person who keeps the big picture in mind. That is one hell of an accomplishment. You are likely more considerate and mature. Comparisons get us nowhere, but we have every right to acknowledge and enjoy the strengths we have developed. And what is the problem with saying...wow, that person was really rude or inconsiderate to me? And then saying, there are my problems and there are other people's problems. Hers is not mine.
Humility does not require us to disown our assets and strengths and not to enjoy our growth and growing maturity.

This just reminds me of my own personal observation, that, yes, everyone does have an opinion, but they are not all equal. Some are more informed and educated than others.

I am glad that you have the dignity, sel-respect and integrity to not lower yourself to react or respond in kind. And what is wrong with saying, I like that I have outgrown that?

?????????
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Old 06-29-2005, 07:33 AM
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Nothing is wrong with that Live, nothing at all you are right.

But it is wrong for me to think I am better than her, cause I am not I am just a different person. We all have our 'stuff' I am blessed enough that I choose to look at mine, some are not.

There is alot going on right that I choose not to post about because it is about the kids. I have to keep myself in check not to judge her, not to question her parenting, she is who she is.

I have come a long long way I know that. In the past I was the one who treated people rude, I was the moody one, not today (okay I can still be moody) but today I am willing to look at my own inventory and that is a huge accomplishment for me.

Humility does not require us to disown our assets and strengths and not to enjoy our growth and growing maturity.
You said that very well...thank you!

I am so glad you are back
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