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Chaos

Old 09-24-2002, 11:42 AM
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Chaos

I'm not handling chaos very well. In fact, in the morning, everything is fine. Drink coffee, take kid to school, get home, etc... I'm noticing as the day goes on,however, little stupid **** is starting to add up - heck, I find myself cussing at my puter because mouse gets stuck sometimes *making mental note to thank son's friend for taking it apart & cleaning it - duh!* Anyho, I take a small dosage of xanax before bed to help calm me down to sleep, but i'm really not being the loveable & peaceful person that I want to be. I want to be like that woman (Kim Bassinger) in the movie "Out of Africa" - so do the people I'm living with, lol! My son asked me last night why I'm being so rude lately - I told him i'm his parent and I can be angry if I want. I was. I'm a little calmer at this minute but who knows how long it will last. I got attacked by ants today while helping my grandad (blind & deaf) help fold up this huge tarp - had to have been 4000 square feet - out in his field, I got attacked by ants (this was 2 hours ago) and I blamed HIM. Good thing he can't hear. Just all these stupid little things drive me nuts. When does is total "inner peace" come. I just want to be by myself. I know I have responsibilities with my family, but dammmmm - I just want to be alone right now. I feel like if I could just have the house to myself for 3 days or so, everything would be better. NOT having to do anything for anybody or explain anything. I can't explain this to them because I know its cuz I'm pissed that I cant have that 'drink' when I want to - I don't want to admit how much I need it. And after that ant deal.....God how I wanted one.
In fact, everytime I get upset I'm reminded how 'nice' it would be to have a frikkin drink right about now. I'm not asking for any sympathy, I'm just asking...heck...i don't even know! K, I'm going to go shopping for some crap at the hobby store - I don't even know what I'm getting, but I'm going to get something. I complain about being around others, but I also go nuts being alone. I bought some metallic spray paint this morning & I don't even know why. Except my son's bedroom desk or computer might be a different color when he gets home.

Hugs to all, your in my thoughts.
Houston
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Old 09-24-2002, 05:26 PM
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Houston,

I know exactly how you feel. I started taking prozac a couple of months ago and it helped me with these feelings. It took the edge off enough so I didn't jump everytime a door opened or the phone rang. The gardeners would absolutely do me in with their blowers.

Maybe an anti anxiety medication would help. It really helped me.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 09-24-2002, 05:29 PM
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Ann
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Houston

Who wouldn't be miffed with a bad day like that!!!

Venting is good so vent all you want here. Spray your whole house if that makes you feel better. Curse the ants and hug your grandfather.

Then, take some time and plan something nice for yourself...an hour for a walk or to read by yourself...go to a meeting and coffee afterwards...rent a good movie and watch it alone...light candles and take a bubblebath...anything except picking up. It wasn't that great and your life will get better...just go through it one day/hour/minute at a time.

And don't spray the computer....they keys stick when you do that.
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Old 09-24-2002, 10:35 PM
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Houston,

The alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful... and oh, so patient.
When problems happen, the alcoholic may fantasize over how great just one little drink would taste and make things better. But it's only fantasy.

Without even realizing it, we let anger and resentments pile sky high and eventually it doesn't take much of a rumble to make the pile fall and hurt us beyond recognition.

Please know that if you go to lots of meetings... and share here often, too... you'll learn how to deal with your anger from those who have been there, done that.

I don't know if you're aware of the Promises of AA., but if you want a life of sobriety and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, you will come to experience these Promises.

If you can stay away from that first drink and work the 12 steps of AA, your days will improve. The problems may not all go away, but you'll be surprised at how things get progressively better! However, if you take that first drink, it won't be long before you wouldn't know step 1 from step 14 and believe me when I say that things would get progressively WORSE.

I wish you strength and courage, Houston. Most of all I wish you Sobriety. Keep coming back.
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Old 09-25-2002, 11:37 AM
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Houston,

I tend to be a very impatient person, and things, if I let them, can really get me irritated. When I find myself feeling to chaotic, I try to slow down my mental thought processes and take some deep slow breaths. It doesn't always work though. I also have a hard time dealing with my anger. I'm trying to learn though.

Sometimes before my time of month, I really feel agitated, but I know why that is so that helps me with that.

Chamomile tea is a nice relaxing tea to drink, there is also a homeopathic remedy called "calms forte," available at your local health food store. If I'm feeling really wound up at night when I go to bed, I put two tablets under my tongue to dissolve. It really helps me.

Keep venting here too, cause that is good.

Juls
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Old 09-25-2002, 02:23 PM
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Hey houston,
I would like to suggest some light but informative reading for you. The author is spencer Johnson, and the book is called " who moved my cheese". It is a fiction story that packs a good punch in solving the problem of coping with change. It might just give you another perspective on handling everyday little annoyances.
best of luck!
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Old 09-25-2002, 02:30 PM
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oh yeah I almost forgot. I find that creating a routine before bed helps a lot with relaxing and getting to bed. For example I may take a hot bath then read some. I also agree that chamomile tea is a god send. Also there is a natural sleep aid called melatonin. You can find it in health food stores or your local big chain super market. It has no side affects what soever. It will make you drowsey enough to fall asleep. It is the chemical your brain starts producing when day light ends. If you have any questions about it check with your physician.
There is a book out there called "don't sweat the small stuff" that may also be of some help.
toodles
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Old 09-28-2002, 11:25 AM
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Hi Houston,
One thing I think is natural for people in recovery (especially early recovery-don't know if that's you or not) is anger flares up like CRAZY! A drink was how I used to deal with frustrations that would turn to anger. It's how I calmed down. Basically, we have to learn new coping skills for dealing with life's little bumps and twists. Last night I was angry beyond belief because I realized I don't know how to keep my male friends. I was ticked! One of my male friends made a flirtatious comment and although this up to now had been 'normal' I found out it isn't me anymore, and, I don't know HOW to be a friend with a man keeping the flirting out of it. Soo... I was ticked! I'm at a point with this that I don't have coping skills and it makes me angry. My behavior needs to change, and, HP is obviously working on it by showing me what no longer works for me, but, I'm uncomfortable with 'new' behaviors of not getting the 'sexual attention'. ANYHOW, all I'm saying was there was a new situation that I didn't know how to deal with, I got angry, and a thought of a drink entered my head. What I do know, though, is, a drink won't fix it, and, a drink will kill the life I have today. I like my life today, even though I don't know how to deal with it always. So... I keep calling my sponsor, and, I keep watching other women to see how I'm supposed to be a friend, both with women and men. Man, I was ticked, though! I don't know if any of that made sense, but, thanks for letting me vent. LOL
Love and Blessings,
Holly
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