Hello, all! I know it's been awhile since my last post. The good news is that I haven't relapsed and almost have six or seven months of sobriety under my belt. I don't know what the bad news is. I guess if I really try to find some I could. But, why would I want to focus on any negativity when my life is coming along better than it ever has before?
I graduated from my outpatient chemical dependency treatment, (one women's group once a week including one-on-one counseling, etc), in July and spent the month going to N.A. meetings and being with family only. Then, during the end of August I enrolled myself in another outpatient chemical dependency treatment facility where I am now going to two groups twice a week. Both groups are for both men and women. One group is called "Wellness and Recovery" and the other is "Relapse Prevention".
I've also been on Suboxone treatment for about six months now and have begun my taper downward. The main reason for my choosing more counselling is that I will need certain tools and support to cope with life without Suboxone and I have fears of being able to stay clean on my own once I'm off of it. The withdrawal stories I've heard from others attempting to come down off of Suboxone, I have to admit, do frighten me more than a little.
I'm taking it, as it says in the book, one day at a time. I am working on "frozen feelings" and understanding the grief process, during my one-on-one sessions with my chemical dependency counselor. We believe that a combination of the drugs and the belief-set I grew up, (I am from the generation where our parents and grandparents encouraged kids to 'be strong', 'stop crying' 'I'll give you something to cry about' 'it's silly to be so angry' etc, etc), with caused my emotions to go into an "uncomfortably numb" state of being and now that I am off the drugs I am relearning how to feel about certain things and in certain situations.
But, all in all, things have been going pretty well for me. I will write again later on my progess. Thanks for reading/allowing me to write.
Well, I've written a few little mini-essays about recovery and addiction but I think I will post them up on the blog aspect of this site.
Take care everyone and Happy Halloween!!