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Anger makes me want to start fresh

Old 04-04-2003, 12:51 AM
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P.S. Zoomer,

You have a really great sense of humor. I think you should take your show on the road and become a comedianne. I think a few of could get together and come up with a really good act. LOL We could bill ourselves as the "NA Comediannes," or the "Ex-Addicts Sweatshop." We could do albums, videos, be as zany as we wanted. Anyone else with other ideas?

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Old 04-04-2003, 04:40 AM
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Hey Juls LOL!!! I'd die if I had to tell jokes in front of people! Only here on SRF can be myself because you guys can't throw stuff at me if I'm lame! Too funny, but I broke down last night and told some people at the meeting that they freak me out about the monitone voices and the "I think not" from the Pomises. Well Hell not known to the chair person guess what? Yes, they gave me the promises to read! Too funny because some of the people knew the inside joke and we all were rolling when it came time for me to say "are these exstravigant promises" then every one said "I think not"! Only the people who knew the inside joke did not say it with the rest, they waited for a half of a second before they said it and we laughed our asses off! I think my humor half the time is unintentional meaning that I'm sort of serious when I say things,but they are so stupid that people laugh! Now if I could get paid to be stupid, I would not mind taking the act on the road!
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Old 04-04-2003, 05:38 PM
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All right, Juls,.

I just lost it totally!

I will have to tell you the story!

How are you, my friend?
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Old 04-04-2003, 06:21 PM
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As I was driving to my meeting I saw some ducks flying back south and just last week I saw them flying north! If ya don't know, upper New York is being pounded by ice and snow, so at the meeting they were talking about the weather and it was also a step meeting and it was step 10. I laughed so hard and took my turn to talk and said About how the ducks are flying south again because of the weather, so the ducks did a step 10 and when they were wrong they promply admited it and got their asses out of New York State and flew back south! I had the whole place laughing,then the chair person said did I want to add anything else, and I said "I think I said it all". GG I can't get all serous about myself and talk the talk of AA yet. I fumble when I speak,so I am glad that at least just for todayI can joke around.
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Old 04-05-2003, 04:47 AM
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That is hilarious zoomer!!!

And wow, I am so proud of you!
You are going to your meetings, that's a big deal in and of itself!


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Old 04-05-2003, 09:00 AM
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Hey Ya live, missed ya! Ya, going to meetings is a big deal,I'm terrified of people and if you relaps it'sa huge deal to go back into the rooms without feeling like a scum bag. Your labled for life! I get the jabs for sure,but those type of people I need to stay very far away from or I'd smack em! There is more to life than AA, I had to find that out for myself, but with me working a program again I just add to the life I already have. As long as i don't drink and go to meetings I have a chance to be happy again. Therefore it all rubs off on my family. AA now is more personal to me and so is God. I keep both inside my heart rather than on my forhead,so it's lie working from the inside out. Soooooooo, tell me about your job and new place!
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Old 04-05-2003, 09:04 AM
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LOL! zoomer, the duck thing would have had me rolling on the floor, but seriously it makes sense to me. You are too funny. And now you are opening your mouth at meetings, that is great!!! How did you food do? I bet everybody loved it!
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Old 04-05-2003, 09:50 AM
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Hey Pauline, I just had a disfunctional Family moment! As you know my daughter is ADHD and gifted. She can out manipulate even the most hard core druggy (no offence)! Ugh, she was to go to her grandparents house today and spend the night. Her grandparents are very strick and uppity up. They have no concept of actually dealing with an ADHD chld eventhough they had my daughters father who is a addic and a daughter who is anorxic. With them they bossed them aound then hen they had pproblems, blamed the kids and of course they added nothing to the disfuction of their kids. Anyway, my husband let my daughter spend the night at her friends which set her up to be tired today (I was not home and my daughter manupulated my husband) and my daughter did not want t spend the night at her grandparents. OMG, the tears the fighting, so I called and told the grandmother that my daughter wanted to visit today,not spend the night and that got the tears, and fighting going on in that house too! I'm like "my daughter is only 12 and ADHD" why is she making all these people upset. Now owning my side of it I did not have to yell nor smack her for screaming at me, so i feel bad, then my daughter is on her wa to her grandparents hosue and the grandmother calls and said don't bother. I'm trying to work my program and be sain in all this and not let either the grandmother nor my daughter cut off their nose dispite their faces. The grandmother is 60, my daughters 12 nd I get bitched at by both that I'm a horrible mother! Hello if it wasnot for my daughter I would not have to deal wth all this BS with the grandparents who I'm no relation too! mean all three of the kids from that family moved very very far away from the parents and my daugher is the only member of the family close by! My family here is alway taking care of the dog and putting up with uncomfortableness because they are perfect (I'm talking hose cleaning wize,money wize,bla,bla bla...) Iv grown to care for the grandparents,but they have caused me great pain over the years and unintentionaly they have caused my daughter pain because she is a bastard and they are stricked catholic and they are embarrassed about her orgins. Anyway, eventhough they have money, phd's and what not, they are acting like white trash right about now! ugh, she called (the grandmother) and I refused to pick up the phone! I don't need their drama or disinharidence ofmy daughter. That's what they do, the disown anyone who does not please them. maybe it's not such a good idea to have my daughter go though the emotional ****. Anyway, I just had to get it all out. I tried to cALL MY SPONCER AND ANOTHER WOMAN IN THE PROGRAM,BUT NO ONE WAS HOME. Whew I feel better now! I did pray, but nothing beats like a good bitching sesssion!
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Old 04-05-2003, 10:09 AM
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Zoomer

I have been reading your posts and you crack me up. You also make me feel good seeing how much huge growth you have managed in such a short time.

I amy be an Anon, but my codependency stretches WAY beyond just being a loved one of an addict, so let me offer a little advice that I have learned over time...

You do NOT have to participate in the chaos of the grandparents, or anyone else who acts so badly. Don't take ownership of their bad behaviour - you are powerless over them and never owned it to begin with.

What they think and how they act is about THEM, regardless of who or what they want to blame.

Just keep doing the best you can for yourself and let the rest of them stay at the circus if that's where they choose to be.

Hugs to you and for all you have accomplished.

And P.S. - I would LOVE to have you at any of my meetings. .
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Old 04-05-2003, 10:26 AM
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Zoomer -

I agree with Ann, let them act anyway they want to. What is important is you and your recovery, and of course your kids. Remember that!!!

And my friend, let it out anytime you want, that is what we are here for!!!!

All we can do is the best we can do, and that is what you are doing for you and your kids. There is nothing wrong with you calling the grandma and saying that your daughter is too tired to visit today, and that is that. If she wants to be angry let her be angry, your side of the street is clean (don't you just love when I tell you that LOL).

(((zoomer)))
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Old 04-05-2003, 01:00 PM
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Hey You guys, you are great! Ha, what the grandmother was implying was that she was not dealing with my daughter's disfuction! I'm proud of my daughter's off beat ways (she takes after mom in that way). The grandparents believe too that at my daughter's age friends are not as important as the grandparents. Sorry, my girl has come so far in making a keeping friends! If you know anythng about ADHD, then you know that for the most part these kids are outcast and rarely ever have a social life. My daughter is very populare now because we worked dam hard on her social skills over the years and any shrink will tell you that it is normal for kids this age to think their friends are more important than family. It's the begging of independance of adult hood. I too forget how many years i have spent in resurching and learning about ADHD. I never recieved a phd in child physcology,but I should have with every thing I know! I was and still am very dedicated in my daughter's illness. A lot of Alcoholics start off with ADHD and use alcohol and drugs to self medicate. GG, that is why I interviend at such a young age with her to avoid possible disfuction when she grew up. She is not getting the grades she should in school because she is so gifted,but she for the most part is a happy camper. She knows more than any school wil ever teach her becaue iv encouraged her to learn at home in any subject she wanted. Now witch craft I had my reservations about, but it has turned into so much more that "spells". My daughter now is not so interested in it because she learned everything she wanted to know andmore on the subject, so she will go on to something els. I wonder what it will be? She is excited about life and can go non stop,but it's p tp me as her parent to help pace her. Ha, it helps me too because I'm not the most organized person in the world! Stupid granparents! Anyway, my daughter is grounded until the end of the school year from spending the night at a friends only because she gets too worn out to keep her promises. And he is grounded off line for a few hours until she earns the privilege back by cleaning her pig sty of a room and she has to listion to me lecture he for a half an hour. Then my job is done as far as I'm concerned over this whole mess. The grandparents will find someone else to be pissed at in the family then my daughter will be all sunshine to them. Until then I'm keeping my daughter away from them until he can act niceto her.
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Old 04-05-2003, 01:26 PM
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Good for you!! (((zoomer)))
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Old 04-05-2003, 05:46 PM
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((((((((Pauly))))))))), hey guess what, the lady called me who got hit by a car. Her foot broke in 3 places and she has 2 broken ribs. She called to say thank you for taking control and she said i saved her life because If I did not scream, then the guy would never had stopped and ran her over. Ha, I tell you I can stop anyone dead in their tracks if I yell. I have lots of practic yelling at my kids because the cars go fast around here and they run out in the street to get a ball or something. ugh when my ADHD daughter was younger she had a big attraction to run out in the road or any dangerous thing she could get into. I don't yell because i'm mean, I yell becase I'm scard to death something bd will happen when she pulls her stunts. So anyway, Ifelt real good about her thinking I saved her life and she is sueing the **** out of the guy who hit her. She said I did a great job making sure she all the evidence she needed to build her case. I marked where she fell and put it on paper for her. She was in shock and the stupidguy that hit herwas down playing it. The stupid cops never gave that guy a ticket for parking in a fire zone,nor not looking back when he was in reverse. ugh, I had bad dreams for 2 days seeing that poor lady get htlike that! I hope she gets big bucks!
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Old 04-07-2003, 05:05 AM
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I should probibly post this on PTSD,but I keep having flash backs when I saved my mother's life (one of the times). Her boyfriend was going to run my mother over with his car and I ran and jumped and pushed my mother out of the way. I remember yelling at him and swearing and being so angry and him and mther at the same time. I guess that is why I'm still very angry t the guy for hitting that woman like that because it almost looked like he did it on purpose. I hate flash backs!
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Old 04-07-2003, 08:39 AM
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Zoomer -

I am so glad you were able to help that lady, and her gratitude to you shows you that you deserve to feel good about what you did. It sounds like it brought back some memories of a situation with your mom in the past. Talk to your sponsor about that get it out just like you are here. Sometimes something can happen that triggers memories. Or sometimes just being sober (for me) triggers more memories all the time, it is weird. but keep talking about what you are feeling, don't stuff the feelings, okay??

Love to you my friend and Happy Monday!!!
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Old 04-07-2003, 08:50 AM
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Hey Ya pauly, my sponcer has been on vacation,and I did ry to call the other women n the program, but no one ws home. Kiss to ya! Thanks for letting me get it out in a safe place!
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Old 04-07-2003, 08:54 AM
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I guess I should stop being a mother hen and stop telling you what to do...you are doing so great!!!!


Hey - did I tell you I left the house on Saturday and a dark brown brunette and came back as a chestnut brown with blonde, yes I said blonde highlights!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! totally different, I have never done anything like this before and I LOVE IT!!!!
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Old 04-07-2003, 08:57 AM
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PS, I USE TO GET REAL PISSED AT MY MOM TOO WHEN HER AND HER BOYFRIEND WOULD GO AT IT BECAUSE SHE SEEMED TO ENJOY THE DRAMA it ws real sick to watch them beat the heck out of eachother and kiss and make up the next day. I'd see my mother provoke him too like she wanted to get hit. When I would have to save her I'd be pissed because I felt like it could have been prevented,plus he is the one who I was afraid of most of my life growing up because he wanted me even when I was just 7. I know my mom did not know that he got his jollys out on me,but still she loved all the sick parts of that relationship and he was not the first or the last tht she had this kind of relationship with. When my ex's hit me, that is when I got out. From her I learned that no man will hit me and I'd stay for long in that kind of enviroment. My husband now has never ever hit me nor is he violent in that way. Sure he yells,but god help him if he ever touched me or the kids in a way that was abusive. Anyway, I got it all ot and feel very strong today. I am however going to take my little nap before my meeting.
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Old 04-07-2003, 09:05 AM
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You have a great attitude and you are right you are very strong!!!

I think it is normal to get upset with someone that you watch be abused cause you wonder why they would allow that to happen to them, especailly someone you love. I understand what you are saying!!! We want people that we love to be respected and that is a good thing.

nap, that sounds great and it is only 9 am here LOL!
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Old 04-07-2003, 09:07 AM
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LOL, you go Pauly! I go from blond to blonder! I bet you look wonderful! Ha, I hope the blondness does not leak through to your brain LOL.
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