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Old 08-24-2005, 05:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I Was Guided Here


This is one of the hardest posts I'll ever type.

I found SR two years ago this month....with ***** search engines, out of desperation, poof there it was staring me in the face, I couldn't believe what I stumbled on, it's been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and continues to be. I never knew such places existed, wow a message board with people like me from all over the world.

How was I?...sick, emotionally physically and spiritually, was I ready to admit I was an alcoholic? I don't think so...who me? no way, I was a good Catholic girl, Catholic girls can't be alcoholics, no way. Anyway as time went on here, I would do ok, then not so ok, I was doing a lot better then I was on my own, I was putting more sober days together. Was learning as the days, weeks, months went by, boy did I have a lot to learn, a lot of work to do, what I learned here from all of you I'll always be grateful for it. The time you unselfishly spent typing messages to me, trying so hard to help me as I continued to drink, only getting deeper with it, finding out what progression meant, four user names later (nothing to be proud about). I soon found out what insanity is all about, no other word for my crazyness here.

I'm so grateful so many of you stuck with me, didn't give up when I was, I kept telling myself, what's the use, you know you'll never be able to do this, you live with a drinker, there's NO way you can do it...I pretty much convinced myself I was a no hoper, I was doomed with this till the day I die, a very very slow painful suicide is what it is. People here, some I'm close to would tell me I wasn't an alcoholic, I was crying out for help from loved one's here, so of course I'd listen to them, yeah you're right, I'm not an alcoholic, I just need to fix myself...ok I tried to fix myself, only got deeper, put myself in some not so good situations, in dangers way and not even aware of it because of black outs, always black outs.

SR taught me about AA, I've attended meetings along the way, I'm sorry, but it's not for me, I know a lot of you are shaking your heads, maybe so with good reason, I don't know.

Today my Higher Power is with me, I know for a fact He's here, I finally let Him in, I'm finally sober, finally calmer, I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm grateful beyond words being able to say, I'm a RECOVERING alcoholic, a RECOVERING one, finally.

Thank you so much SoberRecovery for all the wisdom and knowledge you've unselfishly given this bullheaded thick skulled woman, I can't express enough how you have saved me, my soul...I seen my soul a few months ago, it was dark, today it's not.

An extra special thanks for all the Don't Quit gang, if it hadn't of been for them I would have left a long time ago. So many kept telling me to come back, keep coming back. I remember thinking how dare I be here while I continued to drink, I didn't think I was worthy of being here, I thought we all had to be sober to be here, not realizing everyone is at a different stage with this..oh boy what I've learned, good old naive me. I love you so much Don't Quit gang, and all of SR....Thanks Jon, thanks so much.

Anna, you're my angel, today your wings are full, thank you for all the emails, always knowing what to say, never once giving up on me.

I have a long way to go, a lot of learning yet to do. Today I know I will be ok, I have my contract with so many precious signatures on it...it's my biggest treasure in the world.

All my love...still justme....Wings Freed today....Denise
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Old 08-24-2005, 06:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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we're glad u are here denise!
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Old 08-24-2005, 07:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
Psalm 118:24
 
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Denise,

you're going to make me tear up girl
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Old 08-25-2005, 10:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm glad you're all here too. Tears oh yeah, I seem to have a lot of those these days, guess that's a good thing eh?

I forgot to say Happy Birthday to SoberRecovery also......so here it goes......Happy Early Birthday to the HUGE warm heart of SoberRecovery.
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Old 08-25-2005, 11:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Denise, I'm boohooing here! :nose

The reason we all stuck with you was because we could always see what you could not - that you could do this. :bravo

To see you at this point and giving warm, caring, thoughtful advice to others is, well :nose

Love, Anna
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Old 08-25-2005, 11:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
Psalm 118:24
 
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Ditto
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Old 08-25-2005, 12:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Anybody wants acrying contest Imsorry Iamsure you are going to be ok.
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Old 08-25-2005, 01:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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God bless you. You are helping others,who will help others, who will help them selves, who will help you, you know what I am saying. My first AA meeting was 1976, I was 17 years old.The skipper on my ship said you can fight pretty good, but you cant hold your wiskey.so if anybody thinks alchohal is not as bad as other controling substances look at me now. None of you should miss out on the good tears me and my best friend shared Sunday, when I left my oldest daughter at FSU to start college. So I am droping Oxy's,5 PLUS days, I will see my 15 year old daughter start college and I will see my 10 year old son start college.I think will just pray for all of you.Sorry this was not a quick reply to you,CANCER SUCKS>
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Old 08-28-2005, 07:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Sailon, welcome to SoberRecovery.

No crying contest here....learning to feel, which can be scarey at times, tears are good.

I agree Cancer is a sad painful taking disease, and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with it, I know full well what it's about too.

God bless you too.
Wishing you all the best on your recovery, we have lots to live for, don't we?
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Old 08-28-2005, 07:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
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You've come along way baby, and I'm grateful you stayed. *hugs and kisses dear friend*...I had to smile thinking of our "Catholic" conversation in the early days we had some good laughs aye? Your always in my thoughts and prayers and I'm so very happy for you.
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Old 08-28-2005, 03:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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(((((((((Denise))))))))))) I don't even know what to say. I am so grateful you are still here. I've been there through many of your struggles although I might have been a quiet bystander, and I am so proud of what you have been able to accomplish! I am also proud to call you a friend....

Hugs--
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Old 08-29-2005, 12:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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(((((((Denise))))))))love you lots my friend ,your story gives me hope for myself love Kim(Lulu)xxxxxxxxx
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Old 08-29-2005, 03:11 AM   #13 (permalink)
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denise hon

i sit here reading your post and remembering the last couple of years, the trials and tribulations you have faced and continue to face.

one word comes to mind - proud
hon i am proud of you and you know what you should be too, get to a mirror and say (just for me) 'i am denise and i am cool and i am proud"

hugs
kath
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Old 08-29-2005, 07:31 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Gee you guys....stop it. Someone please pass me your sleeve.

((((((Chy))))))) hugs back sis.....yep us Catholics eh? I finally got hit by one of those lightening bolts.

(((((((Laura * Kim)))))))) thanks, happy to call you all my friend too, there is HOPE, if I can do this anyone can.

(((((Kath))))) yep some two years this has been for a lot of us. Proud, nope not feeling proud at all, the truth be told I feel sick about it all. I've sat here a few times and tried to wrap my brain around what's happened, I feel like I've walked out of a nightmare, a nightmare that was going to KILL me, one way or another. We like to use humor don't we, it covers a lot of pain up, doesn't it?

Feel like that girl on the movie Jaws, in a sharks mouth being tossed every which way for a long time, the more time went by the harder it would shake me.....one day I left a real bad taste in it's mouth and it finally tossed me, tossed me on the beach, that's where I'm sitting today, still sorta dazed wondering what happened, learning how to live life sober now, I want to cry when I think of all the wasted years, and for what, WE do this to kill ourselves, it certainly doesn't make any sense does it?

You know sometimes I think back knowing full well I had a problem, tried telling people here, but they wouldn't listen. I think back to when I turned 40, close to 10 years ago, oh wow...my neighbour came over that night, I hadn't drank for two months, yep was doing it on my own, anyway she had some wine coolers, she wanted me to have some with her, she's not a big drinker...she didn't know I had a problem with it (something we don't brag about)....anyway I told her no thanks, I didn't want any......but she persisted, have just ONE, you know I tried to fight it off, she wouldn't back down, so finally I said ok I'll have ONE....needless to say I don't have to say what happened after that ONE.

Funny we know we are sick with this, and why on earth we let others make us think different that's a mystery. Not today for me, no way, I've finally opened up my eyes, I've talked openly to my neighbour about it, she's sorta in denial, oh you don't have a drinking problem, you just need to sort things out, that's all that's wrong...ooooooooo kkkkk then...lol. Yep not listening to anyone where I live anymore..some are ok with it, like my sister, I've denied it with her, she's said NOOOOOO you are not ok, you drink to much, you have a problem. Thanks my ((((((sis)))))).

Please take care of yourselves, today I don't ever want to go back to that kind of life, it's not living.....and I pray this helps ONE person today.

Lots of love....justme....Denise
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Old 08-29-2005, 10:16 AM   #15 (permalink)
Psalm 118:24
 
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Reminds me of when Dorothy wakes up from her dream in Wizard of OZ

We're all still here cause, we're not there any more.
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Old 08-29-2005, 12:15 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Reminds me of when Dorothy wakes up from her dream in Wizard of OZ
Clicking Heals Together Repeating

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Old 08-29-2005, 12:29 PM   #17 (permalink)
Psalm 118:24
 
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NO place like Sober Recovery either
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John 14:6
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Old 09-02-2005, 06:13 PM   #18 (permalink)
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wow, im just starting my journey, i havent even made it half of a step.....but knowing you have reached the state of mind and inner serenity i long for is truly awe inspiring.
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Old 11-21-2008, 04:20 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Yes guided here years ago...today

Sitting here now wondering what happened. ......All I can say is HEED the warning....Your sobriety is like a child, you need to teach it, you need to nurture it, you need go guard it, you need to respect....you need to take care of it daily.

When you stop taking care of it, it turns on you......I didn't know that, I do today, today I struggle once again. I had a small window of hope, it let me in, I don't know if that window will open for me again, I am old, been doing this for to many years.

Soooooo those of you who have your sobriety, don't snub your nose to it, do whatever you need to do to keep it.

Sometimes I ask the question

Be Still

Sometimes I ask the question,
"My Lord, is this your will?"
It's then I hear you answer me,
"My Precious Child... be still."

Sometimes I feel frustrated,
Cause I think I know what's best.
It's then I hear you say to me,
"My Busy Child... just rest"

"I know the plans I have for you,
The wondrous things you'll see;
If you can just be patient, Child,
And put your trust in me.

I've plans to draw you closer.
I've plans to help you grow.
There's much I do you cannot see
And much you do not know.

But know this, Child ..... I LOVE YOU.
You are Precious unto Me.
Before I formed you in the womb,
I planned your destiny.

I've something very special
I hope for you to learn.
The gifts I wish to give to you
Are gifts you cannot earn.

They come without a price tag,
But not without a cost;
At Calvary, I gave Myself,
So You would not be lost.

Rest, Child, and do not weary
Of doing what is good.
I promise I'll come back for you
Just like I said I would.

Your name is written on my palm,
I never could forget;
Therefore, do not be discouraged when
My answer is... "Not Yet"

Author Unknown
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