True Blue

help me
hello

this is so crazy. the things i have done just to get high. It all stated 13 years ago when i hurt my back and had back surgery.
i took my meds. as prescribed 3-4 a day. but the last 2 years i lost my mind and started taking handfuls a day. (lortabs)
i would get them from the Dr. and buy them at my job from customers. i spent all my check took money from my husband maxed all our credit cards. made a mess of our lives. I was still in denial that I was a theif until a very special person here at SR shared their story and it was part of my story

I just got home from treatment went for 20 days. it is hard being at home. to see the mess i have made. i am so ashame of my self. toningt i go to my 1st meeting i am scared to get out of my house. but i know that i have to go. because i want to be my old self not the one i am ashame of.

thanks for being here. yesterday i read a lot of stories very helpful

p.s. cleaned house for the 1st time straight never thought i could
do that again thanks


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That was my 1st post here at SR on Sept. 25, 2003.

Emotionally I was a mess.
I remember being so afraid to walk to my mail box and I live in the country with no close neighbors. Oh the fear and denial I was in at that time of my life. I wish you guys could have seen me reading "How it Works" at our meetings. We still laugh about it to this day. I don't remember how many months later but I started chairing meetings. Now that was a miracle in my life.

Spirtually? I was off the hook. I had put God on hold for all of my adult life.
AA & SR and my Addiction brought me back to God. Morning Glory & Pernell's Thread Miracle Hour was another one of my miracles. This place has been a God send to me. Today I know that I am a child of God and my God is a loving God. I don't ever want to be without the armor God has given me.

Physically? I was skinny when I was using. Now I don't want to talk about my Big Girl status. I have gained a few pounds since I am clean. My skin looked sick when I was using my eyes had dark circles under them. Really dark circles.
Today my dark circles are gone my skin looks alive again for a 45 year old women.

What Happened Next? I admitted my sins, I faced my fears, I quit trying to run the show, I make ammends daily to my family and friends. Just being clean & not lying & scheming all the time. Oh lies! Now that is the best thing in my sobriety not to lie any more. It sure makes your life a lot easier.

How is it Going Today? Today is going really good for me. I am not saying my life is full of roses, but I just don't let little things get to me anymore. I try to see the good in every thing that is around me. I have more compassion for my fellow man or women these days and that is another miracle in my life. It use to be just about me.

I didn't think I would ever find a job in the town that I live in with it being a small town and everyone knowing what I did. But a very special women hired me knowing I was a drug addict & theif. There is another miracle in my life.

I don't attend meetings like I use to. I do stay in contact with alot of the people I have met in the program. They helped me when I needed it the most. I have met friends there that will be in my life forever.

Now the biggest miracle was the day I typed in NA meetings for my area and I found this site. You people wraped your loving arms around me when I was at the lowest point in my life and loved me when I couldn't love myself. I will forever be grateful for the wonderful people here at SoberRecovery. Another Miracle.

Let us all pray for the ones that are still out there. You know the saddest thing is that some never come back. Thank you God for giving so many of us another chance.

Your Sister in Recovery
True Blue aka Janet

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Keep praying for those that are still suffering.