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Old 06-17-2018, 05:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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emotionally abused by husband..now my family too!


Where am I right now I've found this site? Sitting on the couch,10th wedding anniversary after telling my husband for the umpteenth time I can't live with/be with/be married to an addict.

He's flouncing around the house damning me to hell, bringing up everyone in his life (of 58 years) who has ever hurt him and comparing me unfavourably to them.I've put up with this crap,guiltily for 6 years.We've been together 16.5 years, and when I met him he was (alcohol) sober hero. Sober 1.1 yrs from alcohol, 23 years from heroin and 10 years from pot. His migraines are chronic yet he always said if he picked up pot then he was breaking his sobriety.

When i went away from study and rang him the following day he declared as I had "left him"h picked up.I cried and cried,went to a psych who told me to give him a 10 week ultimatum.

That was 6 years ago which now I look back seem absurd. Why did I put myself through that? I was warned endlessly he would only get worse and more erratic, moody, forgetful,lethargic, cranky...and the pot rages OMG i had no idea.Anyhow sucker that I am I did the Buddhist devotion thing. Put up with anything and everything out of love.

and here I am.my own family who I of course have lied to for years,and explained to them how I have,are ringing me and gossiping around our neighbourhood about how I've lost the plot, am intolerant and mean and pushing everyone away.i feel so alone, but SO exhausted I can't take it anymore. He's threatening suicide right now...again:-(
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Old 06-17-2018, 07:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sounds like it's time to make some life changes, laughingcrying. You've done all you can. Emotional abuse is never okay.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Please know that you're not alone here. Lots of our members understand and can relate to your exhaustion.

We have an awesome Friends and Family Forum. If you do some reading there, I'm sure you will find women/men that share your experience.

Lots of good reading in the Sticky's located just above the forum.


https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/
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Old 06-17-2018, 11:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi laughingcrying, i'm sorry for the terrible place you are in right now. It is exhausting I'm sure.

I'm glad you posted! There is a lot of support and wisdom here. You might want to read some threads over in the Family and Friends forum as Optival mentioned and perhaps post there as well.

You will find many threads with stories that are similar to your own and lots of experience there.

Also you may want to read some of the stickies as well, this is a good place to start:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

There is hope! You may feel very stuck right now but it doesn't have to be that way. Sounds like all your focus has been on your Husband and maybe it's time to start taking care of yourself and asking what you want for your life?

It's all very well to stand by someone but there is a saying that is mentioned a lot here "let go or be dragged".

Anyway, just wanted to welcome you and let you know about the F&F forum. Keep posting!
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Old 08-05-2018, 09:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I understand your pain. I have not written a long time!!!! I have been struggling with my alcoholic husband for the past 10 years. It is to the point that we(our family)sent him to dry out this past week. they only kept him overnight and said he was fine to go home.He said" i must of not been as bad as I said".He agreed to get help. Still working on the process to get him registered which the facility he is going to go to is a one that is strictly volunteer and i as the spouse can not register him. I am by his side as he talks these facility and I bite my tongue as he lies to them about his situation. He continues to get drunk and his family believes that he has quit. I don't have the heart tell them otherwise. My mind spins everyday. He says I lie about him and that he is trying so hard. He is a closet alcoholic and has good intentions about getting better but alcoholism is so absorbing that he can't handle the pain without drinking. In the past 10 years he calls in sick or takes vacation and all he does is drink till he passes out and gets up and does it all over for days on end. I am so stressed. I really thought this time he would want the help but I feel in my heart he is only going thru the process to satisfy his family and make it look like his is going to get the help.He blames me for everyone at his work and the public knowing that he is going to treatment. He feels that everyone will treat him differently. He is a type of person that hangs on to anything bad that has happened to him since he was a child .i try to talk to him about his situation but he just clams up and says he doesn't want to talk about it .
He is going to AA.. when he feels like it and says it helps.? I don't believe that as he continues to drink before the meetings and the days after the meetings.
Sorry for the long message.
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Old 08-05-2018, 10:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Have you considered getting some support for yourself, sadathome?

Is Al-Anon an option for you?
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Old 08-05-2018, 01:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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YesI have considered it but things have not worked out for the night that they have it. Hopefully soon. My spouse to be admitted for rehab in a week and hopefully I can get some relief while he is gone that I can attend the classes.
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Old 08-05-2018, 06:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I hope you can find some peace, sadathome.

Do let us know how you're doing.
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Old 04-13-2019, 06:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I feel your pain although my situation was different as I was married to an abusive woman both physically and mentally for 19 years. In those years I didn't do one thing correctly not one. I do what I was told how I was told and then given hell for doing it that way. Control was her thing and it had to be absolute. The last two years we were together it just continued to escalate until I had had enough and said the words. I want a divorce.
Best of luck Action
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Old 04-14-2019, 05:37 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Action, I'm glad you found your voice!

How are things now? Are you okay?
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Old 04-14-2019, 09:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
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The first two years were rough, PTSD, aggravated PTSD, depression and alcohol use brought on by all of the above. But the night I had had enough of both the alcohol and what led me to it I said out loud I was done letting myself be so controlled by both. I got help a the local hospital for mental health and followed up with chemical addiction therapy and PTSD therapist along with AA. I have to admit that the biggest help was from a Psychiatrist in the hospital with a prescription for a antipsychotic witch gave me clear thinking within hours. Over the next two months I was able to gain enough confidence to get off the meds and deal with the demons in a healthier way. Surprisingly the people of AA have been the biggest help here. The therapist can tell you how to, but the the people who have done it can tell you what worked for them. And until I put the two together it didn't work. So I have been moving forward for almost one year and
three months, I still have a few walls as in I haven't let a woman in my home but I'm sure that will change in time. It's not the absolute it once was at one time.
They say that time heals all wounds, it does with a few scars.
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:44 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Action, what you did took courage! You did the hard work. I'm so happy to hear you reclaimed your life. Time does heal our wounds. I wish you the very best moving forward.
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Old 04-14-2019, 12:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thank you, it doesn't happen sitting still.
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