Alcohol has taken SO much away from me, writing it down I feel INSANE to have gone back to drinking. As I posted in my intro post, I've recently relapsed and have been isolating at night drinking wine 4/5 nights per week, sometimes to blackout. I rationalize that it's because my mom recently died, or because I'm lonely with my kids at school, or because a 3 year relationship ended. I could go on and on but the point is NOTHING is ever made better under the influence. Thankfully I'm here now trying to get control over this pattern and haven't hurt anyone but myself YET. In the past I've hurt plenty.
In 2012 I got 2 DUI's and lost my license for 4 months and then had an interlock for 3 years. Humiliating for my children and I am SO lucky I didn't go to jail. Because this was during a divorce, my exH (rightly so) petitioned the court for custody and was granted 6 months of full custody and I had visitation after being a stay at home mom for years. Horrible.
I got so drunk at airports I wasn't allowed on flights. Missed a family event.
I've fallen down stairs, blacked out and said cruel things...I could go on and on and I know if I don't stop now ALL of these things or more will happen again. It doesn't get better. How is it that we can forget these horrible moments when we yearn for the very temporary relaxation alcohol brings?