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Old 11-05-2017, 08:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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my journey before rehab with cat


hi. I just want to share my journey to recovery in the hope that it might help others. I started using alcohol at a very young age of 13 to escape from the abuse I was experiencing as a child. When I was done with school I tried ecstacy at a rave. My generation was the beginning of the party drug culture and it was every weekend party and Ecstacy. I combined poppers into the mix on occasion too. I soon fell pregnant with my daughter. Her father was a heroin and crack addict so I left the situation. I then met a man who was decent and moved in with him. We weren't resonating and 2 years into relationship I moved with my daughter back to my mother. I was single for about 2 years and fell back into party mode due to being back in the home I was abused. I met a man who I felt could rescue me from that existence and he seemed acceptable. We got married and his true emotionally abusive colours came out. I was then pregnant with my second daughter. I stayed for the sake of my kids. He would comment on my weight gain from the pregnancy and in an attempt to please him I started taking diet pills with ephedrine in it. This went on for many years combined with alcohol on occasion. He became distant and started hanging around his female work colleague. He was having an affair while I was at home playing house. He then started using cat in secret and I didn't know until one day he came out with it. I enabled him for sometime as I then became pregnant with my son. I found used condom in his car and was heavy pregnant so accepted my fate. blamed myself for it all as I was so used to abuse from a young age I became numb. After my son was born we sold house as we were sinking financially. We then moved into a cheaper but nice townhouse. He then brought the CAT home and offers it to me...I said no. ...and he promised me it would be fine and that it would make us "closer". I buckled in and used it. I must be honest I didn't like the initial rush so didn't take more. Now here's the thing...the next weekend I decided to try it again and see if it would give me a different result. It did and I liked it....I lover that it gave me energy to complete housework and be a super mom. I loved that I lost inches off my body withing just a few days. I loved that I could not LOVE and look past his cheating ways. Things spiralled down fast and before we knew it we were living with friends.. jobless and broken...family didnt want us. Out of sheer luck he was offered another job out of town and we thought of it as rehab. lol you cannot run away from yourself and that's the truth!! yes...he became aggressive as we couldn't find cat and he soon was on the crack. I went back to alcohol as I was too afraid of crack seeing what they looked like on it. He was suicidal and aggressive...I couldnt stay with my kids seeing that so I left that town...I escaped with my kids to my home town back to my mother's house AGAIN! my story doesn't end here and in fact I went through MUCH much more. I ended up getting into yet another abusive relationship but this one was PHYSICAL and I dragged my kids through it for 3 years. I was back on the CAT to cope drinking every day.... but left him after he actually almost hit my daughter. I had to send my kids to their father who was now clean and on bipolar medication. Safest option as I had no job and no soul. I Lived with bikers...the drugging and drinking continued. I wanted my kids back so I became impatient and as we know decision making on drugs bad. So I got involved in under ground poker events...my business partner screwe'd me over and the biker family were not happy with my amount of absenteeism. So I started working as a masseuse...then I was on METH and boy oh boy did I end up worse after that. I started commiting crimes and soon hit my rock bottom with Meth. yup I ended up in rehab by choice and I'll never forget how much I learned there and have a beautiful life now. My kids still with their dad but I get them every Christmas holiday and they get to see a happy clean mommy!
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Healthyandsober (11-05-2017), Opivotal (11-06-2017), Taooo (01-18-2019)
Old 11-06-2017, 06:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome, bladelady!

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying life clean and sober. Good for you!
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