Queenbea31

I am from arkansas and i had a brother who was in treatment out in california. He continued to reach out to me while i was still in active addiction until i finally became willing to go to treatment in california also. When i arrived there in Malibu Detox, I was so overwhelmed with gratitude. I felt like I was finally free of all thoae chains that held me down for so long. I felt like i was given the opportunity to find myself again and to learn to love myself. I was free of the demons from my past.....????.... I stayed in California 6 months and ten days. I got my 6 month chip and realized then how far i had came. I was not being boastful, but i was very proud of myself for allowing my higher power to work on me and my life. I was blessed with a new start and new hope. I was very determined to never go back to the person i used to be. I wanted to come home with my brother because my grandma and grandpa are getting old and i wanted to be able to spend good sober time with them. I also have nieces and nephews. My mom takea care of my brothers girls and they are the youngest of all of them. 5 and 6. more than anything, i want to be able to help my family to have a stable place to live and a secure future for my nieces. On my second night back, i relapsed. My brother had found an old meth pipe at my grandmas and told me about it and i hit it twice. I technically threw my time away for two hits and now have to start over and it is very sad. It also is humbling in the way that it reminds me with a glance of where i never wanna be again. I guess it is probably too much for me to have come home so i am leaving again to start over at the beginning of next week. Oh, i did work the steps also. I am very disappointed in myself for not applying my will power to the best of my ability. I broke down crying today because i didnt stop at two hits. I went on a miserable mission that was not even worth it. I realized that i did not ever belong in that drug world again. I will not give up. I will go to a meeting and take a newcomers chip and start my time and steps over. Honesty is key. It keeps us from getting stuck in an illusion and it allows us to be able to change and not let fear hold us back. I am very blessed and grateful.

Opivotal

Welcome, Queenbea!

I admire your courage and honesty. It wasn't easy to come here and admit to your relapse.

You've joined an awesome community. We've all been in your shoes and are here to support you.

Today is a new day, you can start again. No judgment here, I know you can do this!