I was at home googling symptoms when I found you
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
I was at home googling symptoms when I found you
I found you guys about two years ago. I was googling symptoms, as we all do. At that point, I was at the beginning of the downward spiral, the one that landed me in intensive care about 12 days ago. I didn't register, just sort of skimmed and thought maybe one day I'll quit. I knew it was getting bad, but it would progress. No news there.
I joined back in December of 13 after a huge alcohol induced blowout with my husband. He didn't know the extent of my drinking, even this time around. I quit for just shy of thirty days. Lost weight, looked better, everything was going great. Then I decided I could moderate. Nope. After a few nights of moderation, I was quickly back where I started or stopped.
Joined again. New name. Not because I was embarrassed, but to be honest, I have created temporary emails for this site because I'm not comfortable with my real email being seen by whoever sees it. I'm not overly paranoid or anything. Stopped for maybe 4 days that time.
No withdrawals with those quits. I did another quit early this year after a 3 day bender. Had massive withdrawal but got through it after a few days of tapering and ativan.
This time, I didn't get so lucky. I actually consider myself lucky for other reasons which I'll explain later. Went on a five day bender this time. even when not on benders, I was drinking around the clock, mostly for maintenance and that was interspersed with considerable periods of daytime sobriety. This time when I tried to self-detox, I ran into big problems and suffered from what I would later learn was alcoholic acidosis and other things. Almost died. I wouldn't even go to the ER. Husband forced me. the only thing that got me motivated was to go is he told me I'd soon be in a coma. I was in ICU for 2 days, 4 days in regular hospital.
Now I'm in IOP. I've been under this name since 2 quits ago. I'm done. I have to be. I'm grieving it in some ways, even though I'm 100 percent more active, happier, etc. I guess it pains me that I'll never be able to have a social drink.
I'm glad this group exists. It helps me just about as much as IOP helps.
ETA: I feel lucky that I didn't die and that a crisis had to intervene because or else I'd still be going strong. I probably would have quit for another few days, but nothing more than that. I'm on Day 12, so that's not much, but it's the longest I've had in 18 months.
I joined back in December of 13 after a huge alcohol induced blowout with my husband. He didn't know the extent of my drinking, even this time around. I quit for just shy of thirty days. Lost weight, looked better, everything was going great. Then I decided I could moderate. Nope. After a few nights of moderation, I was quickly back where I started or stopped.
Joined again. New name. Not because I was embarrassed, but to be honest, I have created temporary emails for this site because I'm not comfortable with my real email being seen by whoever sees it. I'm not overly paranoid or anything. Stopped for maybe 4 days that time.
No withdrawals with those quits. I did another quit early this year after a 3 day bender. Had massive withdrawal but got through it after a few days of tapering and ativan.
This time, I didn't get so lucky. I actually consider myself lucky for other reasons which I'll explain later. Went on a five day bender this time. even when not on benders, I was drinking around the clock, mostly for maintenance and that was interspersed with considerable periods of daytime sobriety. This time when I tried to self-detox, I ran into big problems and suffered from what I would later learn was alcoholic acidosis and other things. Almost died. I wouldn't even go to the ER. Husband forced me. the only thing that got me motivated was to go is he told me I'd soon be in a coma. I was in ICU for 2 days, 4 days in regular hospital.
Now I'm in IOP. I've been under this name since 2 quits ago. I'm done. I have to be. I'm grieving it in some ways, even though I'm 100 percent more active, happier, etc. I guess it pains me that I'll never be able to have a social drink.
I'm glad this group exists. It helps me just about as much as IOP helps.
ETA: I feel lucky that I didn't die and that a crisis had to intervene because or else I'd still be going strong. I probably would have quit for another few days, but nothing more than that. I'm on Day 12, so that's not much, but it's the longest I've had in 18 months.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Newnan, GA
Posts: 2
i'm ready...
thank you notgonnastoptry, I have the same story. Pancreatitis, Congestive Heart Failure, explosions in my marriage, explosions with my kid. Currently, going through the first detox I have ever experienced and it scared me more than the illnesses. I am 6 days away from my 50th birthday and would like to make it to 51. I too, only after less than 24 hours, am grieving the fact that I simply cannot do it any longer. So many questions: what will I do without alcohol in a social setting? How will I survive? What will others think? I have already found new playmates and a new playground but it still has the same equipment; alcohol. I can't keep slicing through people. What do I do? Thank you for posting your story and congrats on your day 12!
Originally Posted by notgonnastoptry 
I found you guys about two years ago. I was googling symptoms, as we all do. At that point, I was at the beginning of the downward spiral, the one that landed me in intensive care about 12 days ago. I didn't register, just sort of skimmed and thought maybe one day I'll quit. I knew it was getting bad, but it would progress. No news there.
I joined back in December of 13 after a huge alcohol induced blowout with my husband. He didn't know the extent of my drinking, even this time around. I quit for just shy of thirty days. Lost weight, looked better, everything was going great. Then I decided I could moderate. Nope. After a few nights of moderation, I was quickly back where I started or stopped.
Joined again. New name. Not because I was embarrassed, but to be honest, I have created temporary emails for this site because I'm not comfortable with my real email being seen by whoever sees it. I'm not overly paranoid or anything. Stopped for maybe 4 days that time.
No withdrawals with those quits. I did another quit early this year after a 3 day bender. Had massive withdrawal but got through it after a few days of tapering and ativan.
This time, I didn't get so lucky. I actually consider myself lucky for other reasons which I'll explain later. Went on a five day bender this time. even when not on benders, I was drinking around the clock, mostly for maintenance and that was interspersed with considerable periods of daytime sobriety. This time when I tried to self-detox, I ran into big problems and suffered from what I would later learn was alcoholic acidosis and other things. Almost died. I wouldn't even go to the ER. Husband forced me. the only thing that got me motivated was to go is he told me I'd soon be in a coma. I was in ICU for 2 days, 4 days in regular hospital.
Now I'm in IOP. I've been under this name since 2 quits ago. I'm done. I have to be. I'm grieving it in some ways, even though I'm 100 percent more active, happier, etc. I guess it pains me that I'll never be able to have a social drink.
I'm glad this group exists. It helps me just about as much as IOP helps.
ETA: I feel lucky that I didn't die and that a crisis had to intervene because or else I'd still be going strong. I probably would have quit for another few days, but nothing more than that. I'm on Day 12, so that's not much, but it's the longest I've had in 18 months.
I joined back in December of 13 after a huge alcohol induced blowout with my husband. He didn't know the extent of my drinking, even this time around. I quit for just shy of thirty days. Lost weight, looked better, everything was going great. Then I decided I could moderate. Nope. After a few nights of moderation, I was quickly back where I started or stopped.
Joined again. New name. Not because I was embarrassed, but to be honest, I have created temporary emails for this site because I'm not comfortable with my real email being seen by whoever sees it. I'm not overly paranoid or anything. Stopped for maybe 4 days that time.
No withdrawals with those quits. I did another quit early this year after a 3 day bender. Had massive withdrawal but got through it after a few days of tapering and ativan.
This time, I didn't get so lucky. I actually consider myself lucky for other reasons which I'll explain later. Went on a five day bender this time. even when not on benders, I was drinking around the clock, mostly for maintenance and that was interspersed with considerable periods of daytime sobriety. This time when I tried to self-detox, I ran into big problems and suffered from what I would later learn was alcoholic acidosis and other things. Almost died. I wouldn't even go to the ER. Husband forced me. the only thing that got me motivated was to go is he told me I'd soon be in a coma. I was in ICU for 2 days, 4 days in regular hospital.
Now I'm in IOP. I've been under this name since 2 quits ago. I'm done. I have to be. I'm grieving it in some ways, even though I'm 100 percent more active, happier, etc. I guess it pains me that I'll never be able to have a social drink.
I'm glad this group exists. It helps me just about as much as IOP helps.
ETA: I feel lucky that I didn't die and that a crisis had to intervene because or else I'd still be going strong. I probably would have quit for another few days, but nothing more than that. I'm on Day 12, so that's not much, but it's the longest I've had in 18 months.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Newnan, GA
Posts: 2
Opitvotal - I wish I could stay in and not stress. Now I'm stressing about going home after work. Will I have more withdrawal symptoms tonight? Will I break down and NOT make it 48 hours? Where will I go? What can I do? Alcohol is everywhere. Television, radio, books. Everyone is drinking and having a good time, clinking glasses, pouring a beer or a shot or a glass of wine. Will my life be over? These are the things that are going through my head. ALL at one time.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Do you exercise dragonfly? This often helped me when the urges hit. Even a long walk, anything to distract yourself, break the routine until you get stronger in your recovery.
Your life is far from over, that "voice" in your head, constantly nagging you is not your friend, it loves self doubt. Envision a better life.. try and look at the positives.
You can do this! We're here to support you.
You may want to start your own thread in the Newcomers Forum.
Your life is far from over, that "voice" in your head, constantly nagging you is not your friend, it loves self doubt. Envision a better life.. try and look at the positives.
You can do this! We're here to support you.
You may want to start your own thread in the Newcomers Forum.
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