alaek

I guess I found this site kind of late. Truth is, I didn't really know anything like this existed, and even if I wondered about it, I was too lazy to do any research. (Pathetic, I know). But yeah, basically I decided to stop drinking two months ago. In February however, I attended AA for a little bit. I already knew I had a drinking problem, or I was still trying to figure it out. I spoke with my therapist countless times on trying to stop. My main concern at that time was stopping my Ecstacy use. I realized that alcohol was also a problem though. I thought I was going to "simmer down". Yeah, right. I had all types of excuses for drinking. "This is the last time I'll get to hang out with ____", "It's ____'s Birthday", "It's my Birthday".... I forgot all about thinking about becoming sober but in the back of my mind I kind of knew I was going to stop soon, so I guess I was trying to "go out with a bang" or whatever. This summer was my "last hoorah". I went out almost every weekend, and I had some of the worst black outs I've ever had. I was more billegerent and out of control then I ever had been. I would wake up embarassed and disappointed in myself, barely remembering what I did the night before. I think my "last straw" was when I got into a fight with a completely random guy outside of a club, punched him and chased him down, me and my friend pushed him in front of on coming traffic, and security was called on us from the club. They threatened to call the cops, so I left. I got lost from my friends that night and they found me talking with strangers I didn't know. I had no recollection of any of us and I had no idea what happened that night until I was told all of these things, and bits and pieces later came back to me. That was definitely when I realized I needed to stop because I wasn't going to be able to control myself anymore. It didn't help at all that all of my friend binge drank too, and were just as billegerent as me. They thought it was all so funny and fun. None of them really took it seriously. I would get so depressed and anxious after drinking, I knew that wasn't "normal". So I went to therapy and have been sober for 2 months. I guess what really brought me here though was feeling completely alone. My friends still drink and I feel so isolated. I have to say no to hanging out with them all the time, because I don't trust them or myself to be around alcohol especially with them. Believe me, I want to drink so badly with them, but I know it wouldn't bring me any good at all. I was hoping to find people my age or just anyone who really understands what I've been going through. I'm happy I found this place. I'm still somewhat confused as to if I truly am an Alcoholic or not. When I binge drank, I would black out almost always. But I was also able to go to a bar and have just 1 or 2 drinks and leave. It really depended on who I was with and the situation. So, I really don't know if I am an alcoholic or not.

Opivotal

Congratulations on 50 days alaek!

I couldn't be around alcohol for quite a few months. That meant I had to find other things to do that didn't involve drinking. I too, suffered blackouts. I never knew when they would occur. Very scarey!!

There were days I could have one or two drinks, but it always lead to a major binge.

I'm much happier sober with my self respect in tack.

Soberwolf

50 days is awesome Alaek