In the shadows of the sun. My story of renewal.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4
In the shadows of the sun. My story of renewal.
Greetings sober community.
I had a rough winter. I lost my job, my home, and nearly lost my marriage. My relationships felt fractured. I felt paranoid and disturbed. I began to delve into art, writing, music, meditation, prayer, exercise. I had some profound breakthroughs creatively, but something still felt missing. A shadow still loomed over my broken self. I knew the sun shone somewhere, but my guilt and grief were like clouds obscuring the view. Drinking had been bringing me down. I tried to cut back, even aimed to quit completely. It wasn't occurring. About a month ago I exclaimed to a sober friend of mine that I too was walking the walk of recovery. I relapsed 3 times. I felt horrible. I was smoking pot, hoping to analyze the situation. I still felt lost. Alone.
Then spring began to clear the air, or so it seemed to me. Let me tell you my account of my journey to this forum as I remember it. I was on my 10th day of sober re-birth. April 15th, tax day in America being the day of my choice I had just finished a meeting with my new psychiatrist, and she really clicks with me. She happens to be active in the Al-anon community and has pushed me hard enough to seek a sober community and, God willing, I will be attending a beginner's AA meeting this coming Monday. I have made such progress in just 3 visits with her. The biggest progress has been SOBRIETY which is a prerequisite or dealing with my emotional problems. One key factor changed in my life. I knew I couldn't be sober alone as I had attempted in the past.
I had attempted 3 times this week to find local AA chapters but the information on the web page was out of date. I didn't let it frustrate me as I would have in the past. I kept the positive attitude I am working with. And now, I thanks be to God, have access to the proper dates and locations. My wife is away working, my friends, family are all doing there things, and my eyes hurt from reading and organizing some character studies that I made during my spiritual crisis back in December-March. I was forced to look inward in a moment of pure solitude. My car is out of commission while I order new tires. I was dreadfully alone and sober.
I went back to my writing, but I felt blockages. I sensed my God wants me to reach out and learn from others who have traveled this lonely road before I can actualize my full potential as a human being, friend, storyteller, and teacher. I had toned down my usage of the internet as I had been finding a lot of negative information on it, but somehow while watching a documentary on one of my favorite authors J.R.R Tolkein online, I serendipitously stumbled on this forum. I couldn't help but feel a higher power, calling was involved. Call it what you will.
I created a user name for myself. HappyBilal415. As a cultural adventurer and history teacher, I am very familiar with the early stories surrounding the early Islamic community at the time of the Prophet Mohammad. One of the first Muslims, was an African slave who was freed. He changed his name to Bilal. As I feel alcohol had made a slave of me, I wanted to pay tribute to this wonderful figure in world history by using his name. Happy, is my new attitude directed towards positive affirmations rather than negative emotions in my life. 415 is the day I became sober and is also the area code of San Francisco a major world city that I live in the outskirts of.
I hope to enjoy the extended blessings and beautiful positivity of this sober online community as long as I may, I hope to learn something from each and every one of you that reaches out to help me. I know that since I have cried, reached out and humbled myself, I am already feeling more relaxed and ready to begin rebuilding the relationships with my family members that were harmed by my usage and the accompanying emotional turmoil.
Peace and blessing be upon all of you and may the continued blessings of sobriety continue to enrich your life and relationships.
I had a rough winter. I lost my job, my home, and nearly lost my marriage. My relationships felt fractured. I felt paranoid and disturbed. I began to delve into art, writing, music, meditation, prayer, exercise. I had some profound breakthroughs creatively, but something still felt missing. A shadow still loomed over my broken self. I knew the sun shone somewhere, but my guilt and grief were like clouds obscuring the view. Drinking had been bringing me down. I tried to cut back, even aimed to quit completely. It wasn't occurring. About a month ago I exclaimed to a sober friend of mine that I too was walking the walk of recovery. I relapsed 3 times. I felt horrible. I was smoking pot, hoping to analyze the situation. I still felt lost. Alone.
Then spring began to clear the air, or so it seemed to me. Let me tell you my account of my journey to this forum as I remember it. I was on my 10th day of sober re-birth. April 15th, tax day in America being the day of my choice I had just finished a meeting with my new psychiatrist, and she really clicks with me. She happens to be active in the Al-anon community and has pushed me hard enough to seek a sober community and, God willing, I will be attending a beginner's AA meeting this coming Monday. I have made such progress in just 3 visits with her. The biggest progress has been SOBRIETY which is a prerequisite or dealing with my emotional problems. One key factor changed in my life. I knew I couldn't be sober alone as I had attempted in the past.
I had attempted 3 times this week to find local AA chapters but the information on the web page was out of date. I didn't let it frustrate me as I would have in the past. I kept the positive attitude I am working with. And now, I thanks be to God, have access to the proper dates and locations. My wife is away working, my friends, family are all doing there things, and my eyes hurt from reading and organizing some character studies that I made during my spiritual crisis back in December-March. I was forced to look inward in a moment of pure solitude. My car is out of commission while I order new tires. I was dreadfully alone and sober.
I went back to my writing, but I felt blockages. I sensed my God wants me to reach out and learn from others who have traveled this lonely road before I can actualize my full potential as a human being, friend, storyteller, and teacher. I had toned down my usage of the internet as I had been finding a lot of negative information on it, but somehow while watching a documentary on one of my favorite authors J.R.R Tolkein online, I serendipitously stumbled on this forum. I couldn't help but feel a higher power, calling was involved. Call it what you will.
I created a user name for myself. HappyBilal415. As a cultural adventurer and history teacher, I am very familiar with the early stories surrounding the early Islamic community at the time of the Prophet Mohammad. One of the first Muslims, was an African slave who was freed. He changed his name to Bilal. As I feel alcohol had made a slave of me, I wanted to pay tribute to this wonderful figure in world history by using his name. Happy, is my new attitude directed towards positive affirmations rather than negative emotions in my life. 415 is the day I became sober and is also the area code of San Francisco a major world city that I live in the outskirts of.
I hope to enjoy the extended blessings and beautiful positivity of this sober online community as long as I may, I hope to learn something from each and every one of you that reaches out to help me. I know that since I have cried, reached out and humbled myself, I am already feeling more relaxed and ready to begin rebuilding the relationships with my family members that were harmed by my usage and the accompanying emotional turmoil.
Peace and blessing be upon all of you and may the continued blessings of sobriety continue to enrich your life and relationships.
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