Cochen

I've been here so many times before. I wake up feeling fuzzy after a night's drinking and *vow* that today is the first day of my new sober life. I've been up for about an hour and a half, and that box of beer in the kitchen is already bugging me - not because I want to drink alcohol, but because I know it's there and will haunt me until I crumble and pop a tinnie. However, the act of writing this has given me an idea - I'll ask my parter to hide it somewhere where I can't find it, because if I can't see it I'll (hopefully) forget about it.

But my jitters are bigger than just that. Right now, this seems a mountain to climb because alcohol is entwined in so many aspects of my life - a glass of wine with Sunday lunch, the social beer on the way home from work, the weekend ritual, the voice in my head that just nags and nags away until my willpower crumbles. That voice is my biggest nemesis.

I'm scared that I'm going to fail ... again.

Dee74

Hi Cochen

I was scared I was going to fail too - my history of attempts did not exactly inspire confidence...but I knew I had to try.

I really plugged myself in here - support really makes a difference...and I decided to look at the task on a day to day basis - I was unsure if I could stay sober forever but I knew I could stay sober today...every morning I recommitted to that ideal, and soon I had a string of todays behind me...and forever didn't seem so unattainable anymore

I changed my life...I know you can do this too
D

Redmayne

It'd be wrong of me to say I never had the jitters...I did....it'd be equally wrong of me to endorse the remark passed to me one time when I spoke to a long time sober recovering alcoholic, about my struggle to start to recover, let alone at least one day of sobriety. That perhaps now just wasn't my time?Accepting the sentiment behind that,that I had to reach my,'rock bottom' before I could begin to recover....I've since accepted that no harm was meant to me, in which was a more philosophical remark...

It would be right to say, you're not alone, we've all been there, although that's small comfort to the person suffering...

For me then, I found the ability to simply 'let go' of all thoughts and desires on what in truth is the delusional lusts and desires at whatever level, a life built on alcohol and its self destructive effects, is in truth, no life! For me or anyone else and the more I accepted myself, simply in being he person I am, without this delusional crutch. The more and subsequently easier, remaining ever vigilant, I can change...

Meaning , to start to recover and get back to being me, a process which slowly, painfully, including the jitters left me.

The jitters, are then part of the delusional crutch beginning to dismantle itself...leading you to live without them or the delusional crutch, that alcoholism in it's cunning, powerful and baffling way, provides in it's evil, self destructive embodiment...

Why rely on a crutch, when you don't need one? Alcohol is fooling you into believing something, that doesn't exist...

Cochen

Fail ... 5 cans of Kronenbourg :-(

japantoday

Hey Cochen
Im praying for you. Get back on that horse.

Redmayne

You haven't failed, perhaps you're trying to run before you can walk Take it easy, but take it! Start at the beginning and don't be to hard on yourself....you'll gain a lot of help and support on here, using the right forums and at A A meetings...

Dee74

Like you said in your other thread, reaching out for help beforehand is important - I can't really express its importance enough.

SR saved my butt more than once.

You can do Cochen - believe it...

D

watlow

I'm right there with you. I did good till last week when some things happened..one week later..i am upset with myself and upset that my liver may not forgive me for slipping up..i am very fortunate with the support on here..you can do it!
C