It seems like yesterday...

Old 11-18-2013, 01:18 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Colorado
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It seems like yesterday...

Hello everyone. I have not posted on this site for about 5 years now but I was surfing the internet tonight and remembered reaching out for help on these forums when I first started out. I thought I would share my brief story with SR. I was 17 years old when I realized I had a problem with drugs and alcohol. I was the type of kid who was so insecure I would do just about anything to be your friend even if that meant doing something that I knew was wrong. I started just like most people with drinking some beer, progressing to a little bit of hard alcohol, and for me moving on from there to pot and other drugs (DOC - Cocaine). I was super young and when I realized I had a problem... 17 to be exact life had gotten really bad really quick. I feared for my life every night thinking I was going to sleep and never wake up. I also feared someone was going to kill me or even worse, I was going to lose my **** and kill myself. Looking back on it now, what a terrible age to go through all of that stuff. Like I said before I was a ball of insecurities just like any other 17 year old is and on top of that addicted to drugs and nobody was going to stop me... even the people who loved me the most. I would get scared at night some times and right around the time I was running out of drugs I would start surfing the web and one day I stumbled upon this sight. For whatever reason that night I decided to post a very jumbled confession of my addiction as I was high. I look back at that first post and I came back a few months later and even admitted to everyone that I never looked at responses when I was sober and had no desire to quit when I was sober. My posts talk a lot about my own willpower to stop and how I know what I am doing is wrong and terrible but I just couldn't stop. Allowing myself to admit these things to everyone here did not provide me with an immediate solution but a temporary relief knowing that I wasn't the only one who knew how ****** up I was. However, the true miracle is that your responses planted the seed for me. Even though they were just words from some a stranger on the forum your strength and compassion gave me hope that there might be something better for me out there. I also talked about the progression of my disease very frequently (not knowing so at the time) and in the 6 months time period after my last post I progressed extremely quickly and before I knew it was ending up in hospitals and starting to lose hope. After a being awake on a binge for a few days I was walking home in the cold with a t-shirt and shorts on and had this feeling come over me. The thought that popped in to my head was that I could either just give up and die right now or I could get some help. At that very moment I was convinced that I could literally just lay down and die right there without any effort put in to it. I do not know if this was true but that feeling alone stuck with me. I got honest with my parents and told them everything. I entered a treatment program and I had the hardest time. Relapsing for almost a year in and out of the rooms I finally managed to make something stick. This change happened once I finally stopped caring about myself and my wants so much and truly started caring about other people. I am now part of a 12 step program and live a life based on a set of spiritual principles. My sobriety date is 9/2/2007 and I can honestly say I don't know if I would have ever made it in to recovery without this website. I apologize in advance if this story was unorganized but I just wanted to briefly run down what happened and share with you what my life is like now. I have a beautiful woman in my life and we share each others passions and have so many wonderful things going for us. I have a wonderful relationship with my family. I can be in a dark silent room without fear. In fact, I actually feel a sense of peace and happiness that I never imagined possible. All of this is a result of my decision to ask for help and I am convinced I wouldn't be here today if something didn't change. If you are new to this website I strongly suggest you spend some time reading around. You will more than likely find someone with a similar story to you that can provide you with some answers that you have been searching for. If anything at least take the time to tell us how you are doing and just see what people have to say. It never hurts to try.

Well, if you made it this far thanks for taking the time to read my story and I hope it can maybe provide someone else with hope. If we can find sobriety and a better life you can too.

frstlovewascoke is offline  
Old 11-18-2013, 01:56 AM
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Location: NSW Australia
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WOW !!!!!!!! Thanks for coming back and sharing your story.
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Old 11-18-2013, 02:01 AM
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Thanks for sharing your story frst

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Old 11-18-2013, 05:20 AM
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Thank you for sharing your story frstlovewascoke! Very inspirational.
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Old 11-26-2013, 04:16 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Thanks for sharing your story first love,you are an inspiration!!!
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