2099

I'm in day 2 of withdrawals, at first with no plans to quit. I found this forum when I was searching with ways to cope with withdrawal. and reading some of the posts has helped me decide to try and get clean. I don't feel like Im using as much as some of the people on here.. maybe that's just an exscuse for me. my drug of choice is hydro/oxycodone, number of pills a day varies, usualy 50/60 milligrams at the most. I'm only 18, i was intruduced back in 2009 by my first real boyfriend. I had no job (no money) and he supported my habit. once he was out of my life, it was easy for me to quit since I had no way to get them. I was clean for about 7 months and then met my next boyfriend, who reintroduced me to them. We found out we were going to be parents in Oct 2010 and I quit immediently. knowing I had my growing child inside me was enough for me to drop everything. we actually went our separate ways while I was pregnant and I stayed clean til around the time my son turned a year old. I was offered them here and there, and I used recreationally. I also noticed how much they gave me an energy boost and how they turned my mood completely around, it was almost like I was a different person. I met my current boyfriend around August 2012, also around the time I turned 18, got a stable job and moved out on my own. my recreational use gradullly turned into an everyday thing, it was easier for me to be around him while i was high, plus it made me a more enthusiastic person to be around, a harder worker, and they helped give me the everyday burst of energy I needed to handle a household and being a young single mom. as time went on of course my tolerance built up and the number of pills I was using did too. when I had them, things were fine. when I couldn't obtain them, I would usually have to go a day or less til I could. in that time, I'd hit complete depression. barely being able to function along with my daily life. I didn't actually admit to myself that I was addicted until sometime in the past two months when I went through a day of withdrawals. it was the worst I've ever felt. I havnt been able to obtain anything since about two nights ago. so I'm thinking I want to just wait this out and try to quit completely. I'm tired of my life revolving around this and I hate myself for doing this to my son. I've barely gotten out of the bed for two days and all he wants is for me to come play with him =\ I hate myself for letting things get this bad.. I just wanna go back to being able to enjoy the simple things in life but it's so hard to just tell yourself to stop. I keep trying to tell myself that acknowledging the fact that I'm an addict And the fact that I need to quit, is at least getting somewhere. Baby Steps.

RightLAine

Your story caught my attention bc I am a young mom as well. I drink. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with our son I quit immediately and I didn't start again until he was aout 1 years old. I found it was "easier" for me to deal with the day to day stuff if I was a lil buzzed off alcohol. Payin the bills, doing the household chores....all seemed easier to do if I had a little bit of alcohol in me. The problem is I dont know how to stop. Once I have a little bit I keep going next thing I knew I was waking up first thing in the morning and taking shots of 100 proof. I only lasted 2 days last week without drinking....then it became the weekend then i drank. I took 4 shots before coming to work today & I now I feel like $hit

2099

I understand how you feel RightLAine. it's hard juggling everything and I know for me, my addiction made it easier. the problem was, when I wasn't high I couldn't function AT ALL. I'm on day 3, I've deff had thoughts of useing. but I havnt. I havnt let myself "look for anything" and luckily nothing has been offered. I'm taking things one day at a time and trying to just keep my son in mind and nothing else. it's hard. but I remind myself that "everything will be okay in the end. and if its not okay, then it's just not quite the end yet." I'm just hopeing I get through this. I have so many reasons to and I'm sure you can to : ) you've just got to acknowledge the fact that u need to stop and tell yourself that you ARE going to stop. time heels everything.