Where I was... Where I am...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 25
Where I was... Where I am...
I found SR 2.5 years ago via my sister. We are both recovering ACoAs. I was struggling in my marriage and in myself. The marriage still is, as is the struggle but the lights have finally started coming on.
It has taken me this long to get healthy enough just to be able to see myself in the 13 Characteristics of ACoAs instead of denying that any of them applied to me. This step of self-acceptance, warts and all, has lifted a lifetime cloud of struggle with the need/desire to be perfect to and for everyone all the time - even as I was angry with 'them' for not allowing me to just be me.
I feel like I am just now truly beginning my recovery journey... now that I am able to see it and me for what it and I am, without judgement. And I still struggle with self-acceptance, those old behavior patterns are tough nuts to crack but... having brought this into my conscious brain, I am now better able to recognize and effectively deal with the less-than-constructive behaviors that were a result of self-denial.
I was a WorkinProgress then because I aspired to be. I am a WorkinProgress now because I am starting to do the work.
It has taken me this long to get healthy enough just to be able to see myself in the 13 Characteristics of ACoAs instead of denying that any of them applied to me. This step of self-acceptance, warts and all, has lifted a lifetime cloud of struggle with the need/desire to be perfect to and for everyone all the time - even as I was angry with 'them' for not allowing me to just be me.
I feel like I am just now truly beginning my recovery journey... now that I am able to see it and me for what it and I am, without judgement. And I still struggle with self-acceptance, those old behavior patterns are tough nuts to crack but... having brought this into my conscious brain, I am now better able to recognize and effectively deal with the less-than-constructive behaviors that were a result of self-denial.
I was a WorkinProgress then because I aspired to be. I am a WorkinProgress now because I am starting to do the work.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
There is...
Welocome to you,....there is great truth in the old adage,'actions speal louder than words' accompanied by the fact that life, properly addressed is a journey of experiential learning.
After all , as recovering alcoholics know only to well, if your repeat the same destructive pattern ofbehaviour, found in alcohol abuse, over and over again, not only is no progress made, but eventually it slips itself into reverse gear, with disastrous consequences!!!
Equally so, if you change your perspective and pursue a more positive, constructive pattern of behaviour, it slips itself into first gear and you go forward, moving up through ,'the gears of life' until you reach a steady cruising speed...just a thought.
After all , as recovering alcoholics know only to well, if your repeat the same destructive pattern ofbehaviour, found in alcohol abuse, over and over again, not only is no progress made, but eventually it slips itself into reverse gear, with disastrous consequences!!!
Equally so, if you change your perspective and pursue a more positive, constructive pattern of behaviour, it slips itself into first gear and you go forward, moving up through ,'the gears of life' until you reach a steady cruising speed...just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: still trying to find myself
Posts: 4
"...the lights have finally started coming on."
I told on myself yesterday during a session with my therapist after the feelings inside me became too real to keep denying. How you put it above, captures best the spontenaity of one's first acceptance of his/he own problem. This just kind of happens. Sneaks up on you at the moment you finally become ready to see the damage you've caused. It's a feeling that's bittersweet. It''s painful to look at, but without looking there's no relief. To keep the lights on...thanks for your post!
I told on myself yesterday during a session with my therapist after the feelings inside me became too real to keep denying. How you put it above, captures best the spontenaity of one's first acceptance of his/he own problem. This just kind of happens. Sneaks up on you at the moment you finally become ready to see the damage you've caused. It's a feeling that's bittersweet. It''s painful to look at, but without looking there's no relief. To keep the lights on...thanks for your post!
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