jdaviscpd

I remember stumbling upon this website while searching the web for information on methadone detox back in the spring of 2008. I probably google searched "How long does it take to detox from 110mg of Methadone," or something similar. I was drinking pretty heavily on the methadone and things were getting pretty bad. I did make my way to a detox facility and stayed in the hospital for a month. I was back to drinking and taking suboxone within about a month after getting out. I logged onto this site from time to time.. usually hanging out in the chat room while knocking back shots of cheap vodka. Or after a long bender while drying out looking for anything that would take my mind off the nightmare I was living. It wasn't until early 2011 when I finally made my first login to SoberRecovery, sober. I had to try and control my drinking / drug use every which way I could, every combination, in various places before finally getting hopeless enough to honestly ask for help. I finally started to listen to some guys from Alcoholics Anonymous who would come in for meetings twice a month while I was in jail. I do believe now that I have no effective mental defense against the first drink or drug. That when I do drink / drug, I lose control over how much and how long I will drink for. I do believe now that a power greater than myself can keep me sober. It's interesting that every single treatment center, jail, psych ward, detox I've ever been to over the last 11 years gave me the same advice: When you get out go to 90 meetings in 90 days, pray, get a sponsor right away and work the steps. That's not the hard part. The hard part is developing the willingness and the honesty to do those few simple things. For me AA was my last shot. I did those things. And it works. It's worked for the last 15 months. I do a few simple things on a daily basis and the obsession to drink and use drugs is gone for that day. I get to live a life as a free man today which is pretty amazing. And I'm comfortable in my own skin. Things are okay today. Which is all I was ever really looking for in the first place. I just wanted to be comfortable being myself and for things to be okay. It does work! If you stick around long enough and are willing to follow the suggestions it works. You become your own proof that it works. I'm glad I can think about where I was when I discovered SoberRecovery.com and then think about where I am today. And that I do not have to live that pitiful, lonely nightmare anymore!

Redmayne

Thank you for your excellent, open and honest post. I identified with much, in recovery, of what you said

For me,the name of my disease/illness is Alcohol-ISM, the alcohol being but a symptom, the -ISM'S be ing found in both the actions, taken on a daily basis and the providing the ability to meet life on lifes terms, in recovery and sobriety.

I also love in the personal stories, found in the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous' the words in the story,'The Keys to the Kingdom' particularly those found on P.275. 4th Ed., 'A.A. is not a plan for recovery that can be finished and done with. It is a way of life, and the challenge contained in its principles is enough to keep any human being strivingas long as he lives.' That, and the words that follow have always meant a lot to me.

May the god of your understanding go with you....

FedUpWith2Brats

How wonderful that you are recovering from the horrors of drug and alcohol abuse. I first found this site in desperation after yet another bout of horrific mental abuse from my raging drunk alcoholic daughter and constant badgering from my addict son. The abuse towards me was bad enough, but the fact that my 35 yr old daughter made my 82 yr old father cry was my breaking point. This was but only a few weeks ago.
Posting on here and seeking support and advice was a life saver for me, literally. Reading others stories of the abuse they have suffered from spouses, kids and the like gave me comfort knowing I was not the only one who had such abusive children.
So, where am I today? Well, today I myself am feeling rather down, been thinking back over the years and wondering how on earth did I let things get so out of control. But, and this is a happy but :-), my daughter is sober one week, treating me better, my son has stopped badgering me for drug money, and my father was paid a visit by an investigator from Elder Abuse, and he actually TALKED to the guy, and now my dad is out enjoying sausage breakfast at the Legion without wondering what he was going to come home to.
This site is a godsend to me. I am finding strength and ways to put my foot down and make my kids responsible for THEIR own behavior and the consequences that may follow.
I have decided that I will not let my children or grandchildren control my life anymore, and if they don't like it, they can move out. Because they have both cost me 2 homes and 10's of thousands of dollars, this home will not be willed to them upon my death. I have two very dear friends who have stood by me for 42 years, and they will be my heirs. I have wasted 35 years of my life raising 2 ungrateful brats, without child support from my ex, and from now on they can do for themselves. I will not allow myself to be their punching bags any longer. I have no doubt that once my father passes, if he does before me, that I will be abused by my daughter and become a prisoner in my own home, or worse, have her gain control over me legally and kick me out. I am thinking to the future, and unfortunately my kids are not a part of it.
If things change for the better then I might reconsider my actions, but until then they will have no legal say over my medical, financial and any other life decisions that will come along.
I only wish I had found this site years ago, or something like it, so I could have seen the light sooner. God bless you for your success in getting sober, my heartfelt wishes for your continued success.