Wookie85

Lately I've been having a lot of flashbacks about the day when I decided to stop drinking. The night before I had been in the middle of a bender that had lasted 5 days, just sitting in my room on my couch drinking beers and vodka and occasionally eating junk food. This was actually the 2nd bender I'd gone on in the span of a month, the one before lasted 3 days. I had called in sick to work on a Thursday morning and drank non-stop until the following Tuesday morning. I rent a room in a house from a very nice middle-aged woman, she had been trying to "check up" on me periodically throughout the bender since she thought I was sick but soon after she found out I was getting drunk she got angry. I would only leave my room to use the bathroom or go buy more alcohol and tried to avoid running into my landlord. I eventually did run into her and she threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't stop drinking, I ignored her and went back to my room. I had sunk to a new low, I was so drunk that I couldn't feel my feet anymore, which made walking around quite difficult. I have no idea how I managed to leave the house and DRIVE in that condition to the store for more alcohol but I did it. I could have easily gotten a DUI or gotten into an accident. I drifted in and out of consciousness, sometimes for a few minutes and sometimes for a few hours. I had my laptop on and would try to listen to music/watch movies but I couldn't focus on anything. My landlord said I started yelling and screaming at 3AM and woke her up, she said she was pounding on my door and I eventually stopped but I have not recollection of this (???). I was incredibly sad/angry/scared, I remember crying several times thinking about how badly I had ****** up my life.
My parents had been trying to contact me for the past month but I had been avoiding them out of shame, I checked my facebook and my stepdad had asked that I call my mom because she was worried. On the last night, at 2AM, I called my stepdad to talk. I needed to tell someone what was going on. I explained the situation and told him I was bingeing, he woke my mom up and we talked for awhile. She told me to pour the beer out and stop drinking but I couldn't yet, I told her I'd call her the next day. I hung up and started drinking again until I passed out. The next morning I called in sick again and then I called her, I still had some beers and some vodka left but she convinced me to throw everything out. My room was a dump, there were giant stacks of empty beer cans all over the place and empty vodka bottles on the floor. I estimate that I drank around 170 beers and 4 1/5's of vodka. I'm pretty sure that I had alcohol poisioning, I'm really lucky that the poisoning wasn't severe enough to kill me. I threw everything out and took my first shower in 5 days. I remember I smelled really bad, the combination of alcohol seeping thru my pores and body odor was overwhelming. That night after was horrible, I didn't sleep at all. I stayed up all night having night terrors/hallucinations and sweating profusely. It was well over a week before I got an entire nights sleep. Over the next few days while detoxing I had the shakes, cold sweats, and headaches. It was easily the worst feeling I had ever experienced up to that point.

Redmayne

You know...it's often been said that if you stick around long enough, either at AA meetings, or here on SRC, sooner or later, someone will tell 'your story' although we all got here by different routes. I'll bet, 'cos certainly I can, there are parts, if not the whole of your thread that people reading it can identify with. For just as much once we turn the corner and enter into 'recovery' the same experience will happen, listening, learning, sharing, helping each other.

Down to you now, everything and everybody's here for you,just got to ,'pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools' as it says in the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous' and 'thoroughly follow our path' that's in there to.

No problem, the first three suggested steps in the 12 Step programme, once you've taken the first, will just fall into place. Not to difficult.

So, thank you for being here and sharing 'your story' with us, and may 'the god of your understanding go with you'...

Impurrfect

(((Wookie))) - I'm almost 5 years into recovery, but I have very vivid memories of the last time I used (crack)- it was a relapse. I've used it as a reminder of where I never want to go again.

A major reason I'm coming up on 5 years is SR and the people here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Wookie85

thanks guys