lizisme

I could not believe I had survived the day so far. Having 'woken up' (more like come around from my usual nightly drunken stupor), I knew id pushed it too far. Physically ill, way past that point. This was life or death. I was unable to make my kids breakfast let alone change there nappies, the shame and absolute guilt that still brings tears to my eyes. Sure id pushed it too far plently of times, wanted to stop drinking a bazillion times, had stopped drinking a bazillion times, sometimes i managed an hour, sometimes a few days, hey lets even chuck in a few stints in detox and rehab. This time, I got it. I dam well got it. Nothing different happened. I was just done and dusted. Physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, every thing 'ally' was depleted. I loved getting off my face (the first drink or two from what I could remember), I really did...I just can't. Not anymore. Ive never ever ever ever been able to 'drink' what is considered socially acceptable or even 'normal', ever. I will never know what that feels like, never have, never will. I will wake up tomorrow, and my kids will crawl into bed and fight over who gets me more, and then they will demand from me ALLLLLL day and I WILL love every minute of it because they love me, and they deserve to have my love, all of it, and sober. I don't do A.A or any thing of the like. I just come here, not alot, but this is where I come. Dam ive been here on some of my scariest darkest craziest days (sober that is). But anyway, I never stop thinking of all those still suffering from addiction. It still follows me in life, but today im sober. I am SO grateful to my spirit for fighting for my life, im glad she woke up because without her id be dead. Dam I rock lol! Happy Birthday to me for tomorrow yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehah xx

bellakeller

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

Redmayne

Alcoholism must be the only disease/illness in which, when we admit defeat, we win' and start to recover.

Full acceptance of it' and its often fatal power, provides the opportunity to seek that,'simple kit of spiritual tools', see- the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous' to forge a relationship with,'the god of your understanding', so vital in recovery, otherwise you just become a ,'dry drunk', and the 'dry' just leaves of it's own accord, doesn't even ask your permission, then what are you left with???

I hope all goes well for you.