I Was In A Very Dark Place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Aomori, Japan
Posts: 2
I Was In A Very Dark Place
All I can do is constantly thank god I found this web site. Anytime I felt like I wanted to break down and drink I pulled this site up on my I-Pod. Reading some of the posts and the words of encouragement gave me strength to fight the urge to drink. I commend anyone who comes to this site because if you are here you obviously want to change your life for the better.
I have been an alcoholic since 1996. It wasn’t until about 3 months ago that I came to the realization that I was failing to accept that I have a problem. Considering the fact that I have a wonderful career (USAF for almost 21 years), a wife who loves me, and 3 awesome children, my life was at an all time low. The past 4 years have been especially dark for me. I have to say there is nothing worse than not being able to stop drinking and feeling guilty all the time. I was to the point that I felt I was missing out on the best part of life – being a part of my kids lives. I had literally let my dependency on alcohol take my family from me.
On 1 May 2011, I drove myself to the beach sat down and did some serious soul searching. It was then that I realized I truly wanted to stop drinking. You know you have come to accept your problem when you sit by yourself and cry uncontrollably for about an hour.
I have not had a drink since 1 May 2011, nor do I have the urge to drink. I have to admit the past 7 weeks have not been without some serious challenges and have by far been the toughest of my life - but my resolve has not failed. In just 7 weeks I feel better than I have in years. I spend a lot more quality time with my kids and everything in general is just plain better. I completely removed any and all alcohol from my house and I have disassociated myself from ALL activities that in the past were tied to alcohol. I have had friends try to offer me booze and I have politely declined. You would be surprised at how many friends will respect your position to not drink. If they don’t, they are not true friends!
The sad part of my story is that I have come to realize just how much I have missed over the years because of my drinking. My personal goal is to never drink again PERIOD… I know that is hard to do but that is the choice I have made for myself. Sorry to be so long winded… I wish the best of luck to everyone trying to win their own battle.
Feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to chat or need words of encouragement. Trust me, I can relate to pretty much any situation…
I have been an alcoholic since 1996. It wasn’t until about 3 months ago that I came to the realization that I was failing to accept that I have a problem. Considering the fact that I have a wonderful career (USAF for almost 21 years), a wife who loves me, and 3 awesome children, my life was at an all time low. The past 4 years have been especially dark for me. I have to say there is nothing worse than not being able to stop drinking and feeling guilty all the time. I was to the point that I felt I was missing out on the best part of life – being a part of my kids lives. I had literally let my dependency on alcohol take my family from me.
On 1 May 2011, I drove myself to the beach sat down and did some serious soul searching. It was then that I realized I truly wanted to stop drinking. You know you have come to accept your problem when you sit by yourself and cry uncontrollably for about an hour.
I have not had a drink since 1 May 2011, nor do I have the urge to drink. I have to admit the past 7 weeks have not been without some serious challenges and have by far been the toughest of my life - but my resolve has not failed. In just 7 weeks I feel better than I have in years. I spend a lot more quality time with my kids and everything in general is just plain better. I completely removed any and all alcohol from my house and I have disassociated myself from ALL activities that in the past were tied to alcohol. I have had friends try to offer me booze and I have politely declined. You would be surprised at how many friends will respect your position to not drink. If they don’t, they are not true friends!
The sad part of my story is that I have come to realize just how much I have missed over the years because of my drinking. My personal goal is to never drink again PERIOD… I know that is hard to do but that is the choice I have made for myself. Sorry to be so long winded… I wish the best of luck to everyone trying to win their own battle.
Feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to chat or need words of encouragement. Trust me, I can relate to pretty much any situation…
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
'fight the urge to drink'...
Hi! and welcome, nice to see you hear...'fight the urge to drink'..I guess all of us who are 'recovering alcoholics' have either known or used that phrase, no question..but you've made a good start..the key to taking the first steps in recovery is,and I'm sure there are manywho would agree with me is...Recognition and Acceptance you're , despite all the odds an alcoholic...alcoholism 'takes no prisoners'...it doesn't care who or what you are , have or might become..neither does it care about yourfamily, friends or employer...in fact it doesn't even care about you, ok... it will kill you and take a few others with it if it can..the broken homes, car wrecks and all the other misery it brings with it, no problem...
So, as I remember one guy saying at an AA meeting, by admitting defeat, found in recognition and acceptance, we WIN!! Along with practicing the suggested 12 Steps of the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous, and don't forget you've already done the 1st Step,so you are on the road to recovery, well done!!!
Take care and may the god of your understanding go with you...
So, as I remember one guy saying at an AA meeting, by admitting defeat, found in recognition and acceptance, we WIN!! Along with practicing the suggested 12 Steps of the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous, and don't forget you've already done the 1st Step,so you are on the road to recovery, well done!!!
Take care and may the god of your understanding go with you...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Aomori, Japan
Posts: 2
Thanks for all the kind words from everyone. I just hit two months this past Sunday and feel better than ever. It seems to get easier each and every day now that I have a routine that does not involve alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
I can relate very much with your situation, JAF. I have also realized how much I have missed over the years because of my drinking. When I quit drinking, surprisingly I didn't experience serious cravings. I think that was because I realized that drinking is no longer an option for me. I am now 75 days sober and feeling better than ever. So even if i have missed over many things, I can see now a whole new life before me. That is the good news.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
'Sweep away the wreckage of the past...'
So begins the penultimate paragraph , on page 164 of the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous' 4th Ed.
Of course no one is suggesting that on stopping drinking after a prolonged period you're immediately restored to full physical and mental health but with proper care and treatment it will return, the body, in particular the liver has particularly good restorative qualities provided it has not been damaged beyond repair...
The problem for the alcoholic is centered in the mind and it's in there that the centrepiece for recovery lies, and in turn relies on 'spirituality, something which cannot be taught, only learned by a person undertaking a spiritual approach , found by picking up the simple kit of spiritual tools referrred to in the 12 Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous,so that in recovery you are able, as so many have done before, following the same path see a new life unfoldbefore you..allowing for the fact that while sometimes, when the occasion demands, it is good to look back, you must never stare!
Of course no one is suggesting that on stopping drinking after a prolonged period you're immediately restored to full physical and mental health but with proper care and treatment it will return, the body, in particular the liver has particularly good restorative qualities provided it has not been damaged beyond repair...
The problem for the alcoholic is centered in the mind and it's in there that the centrepiece for recovery lies, and in turn relies on 'spirituality, something which cannot be taught, only learned by a person undertaking a spiritual approach , found by picking up the simple kit of spiritual tools referrred to in the 12 Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous,so that in recovery you are able, as so many have done before, following the same path see a new life unfoldbefore you..allowing for the fact that while sometimes, when the occasion demands, it is good to look back, you must never stare!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Edison, NJ
Posts: 16
Dear JAF1969,
I came to this forum, a wife of an alcoholic, who desperately wants to understand what makes you all tick. What makes you cheat, lie, hurt your loved ones.
After reading what you wrote, I found myself crying. I think you posted this in 2011. Now it is April 24, 2012. Don't know if you will ever read this but just say a prayer that one day my H will come back to me a healthy person whom I can trust again.
MA
I came to this forum, a wife of an alcoholic, who desperately wants to understand what makes you all tick. What makes you cheat, lie, hurt your loved ones.
After reading what you wrote, I found myself crying. I think you posted this in 2011. Now it is April 24, 2012. Don't know if you will ever read this but just say a prayer that one day my H will come back to me a healthy person whom I can trust again.
MA
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: nc
Posts: 62
Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful without help its to much for us. We live to drink and drink to live but at some point recovery is possible some of the best people you want to meet were drunks but they give up the high cost of low living and started a new way of life and all alcoholics can do this at some point in there lives. Praying for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: fall river, ma
Posts: 1
I have been drinking since 1992; lost my first job in 2000 after 18 years. Everything seemed to go downhill since then. I have had countless great jobs since; losing them all. I just lost another great one and I have had enough.
I thank God I did not drink when my daughter was growing up. I remember all the good times, and I want them back. I have registered for an IOP program at a local treatment center. I pray for all of you because I know the living death we've been living.
I'm so happy that I found this site. God bless all of you.
I thank God I did not drink when my daughter was growing up. I remember all the good times, and I want them back. I have registered for an IOP program at a local treatment center. I pray for all of you because I know the living death we've been living.
I'm so happy that I found this site. God bless all of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Edison, NJ
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by angelpay 
I have been drinking since 1992; lost my first job in 2000 after 18 years. Everything seemed to go downhill since then. I have had countless great jobs since; losing them all. I just lost another great one and I have had enough.
I thank God I did not drink when my daughter was growing up. I remember all the good times, and I want them back. I have registered for an IOP program at a local treatment center. I pray for all of you because I know the living death we've been living.
I'm so happy that I found this site. God bless all of you.
I thank God I did not drink when my daughter was growing up. I remember all the good times, and I want them back. I have registered for an IOP program at a local treatment center. I pray for all of you because I know the living death we've been living.
I'm so happy that I found this site. God bless all of you.
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