Lms2212

I have stuggled since my teens with drugs and alchol. I have been fooling myself for years that I have it under control since no one knows, or atleast I thinks so. I was found out five years ago when my world fell apart. I managed to convince everyone I was better and have fooled everyone, even myself. I think he started to forgive me realy when I was pregnant 3 years ago. My nine month rehab. As soon as I had the baby and my pain script when I left the hospital I knew my addiction was not over. I dabbled in pot, pain killers and alchol. Well, I probaly would have lost it exept 3 months later I was pregnant again. Another 9 month rehab. Well now 6 months later I have been doing more of the same. Pot, pain killers, a little a little to drink. A few days ago I find myself out of all 3 and not able to get anymore. I find myself almost out of body as I steal a few tramadol from my grandmothers purse. I come to my sences as my hand is in her purse and think "omg I do have a problem".
I should probaly tell everyone that my husband travels for work all the time making it easy to feed my addiction. If he found out it would be over this time. He would leave and I would not have the my kids anymore. I thought I loved my kids more then drugs. What's wrong with me? I'm alone, stressed out, I can't keep up with housework unless I have 4 percocete in my system. I'm totaly overwelmed.

wellwisher

Welcome, lms.

I know well the feelings you are describing, and trust me, it is not a matter of loving drugs and alcohol more than your kids. You are not alone.

My substance of choice was alcohol and I have no experience with percoset. I'm sure another who has experience with percoset will be along to talk about it - how they recognized it was a problem and what they are doing to beat it.

Keep looking around at the forums and reading and posting.

I wish you the best......

least

Welcome to our recovery family.

Lms2212

Thanks that means alot. I just don't want it to be true that you have to hit rock bottom before you get better. I feel like I'm headed down to rock bottom if I continue on this path and that scares me. I have to pull it together somehow. I just don't know where to begin.

Redmayne

The 'first' step in recovery is recognising you have a problem, the second 'step' is accepting it, this, by the very nature of your thread is where you are now, at the FIRST step in AA's suggested programme of recovery, 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable'

This and the following two steps, added together can be seen as a 'conclusion of the mind' so it might be a good idea to make full use of all the excellent opportunities provided in this community to expand on your recognition and turn a conclusion into action found in the Fourth suggested step.

The decisions yours, the help is HERE! Take care and may the god of your understanding go with you.

1undone

Hi there! Boy do I know how you feel about the traveling husband, kids, lonliness, and using! Still do. I'm only 10 days sober but I am dreading the first long trip my DH is going on in the beginning of June.

I didn't really have a "rock bottom" I just isolated and drink or whatever in my home. It wasn't until my husband told me he didn't want alcohol in the home anymore and that he was going to Alanon that I woke up. BUT this rarely happens in relationships on the man's side. At least that's what I've been told.

I'm sorry for where you are at but all isn't lost. Stick around here and you will find some options on different ways to cope with your sitaution. I just recently made a friend through AA who has a similar lifestyle as me and we are going to make sure we are okay and meet up to walk as much as we can. This is all new to me and I hardly know this person but I have to do something or I will go back to usuing and blacking out around my child.

Stick around!!!

Lms2212

I just feel Like giving up my sober quest!