Redmayne

I have long believe our illness should properly be referred to as , alcohol-ISM, after listening to a 'bootleg' CD of 'Clancy' talkingto the West coast Pacific group, inwhich he explained that the alcohol is but a symptom , it's the -ISM's that remain , identified as 'life's disturbances' common place disturbances, e.g. the car won't start, the washing machine breaks down, an unexpected billarrives etc., that have to be dealt with.

I had not, in my recovery made a full assesment of my apparent vulnerability to the widespread effect of these -ISM's on me as an individual.

I make no denial or excuse as to the fact that my alcohol-ISM, contributed to events that ocurred in my life on not one, but two occasions involvingthe actions and behaviour of my former wife, on an ill fated expedition to start a new life in America, she decidedit was a good idea to abandon our son and me, to fall in love with her stepbrother, and my former Headof Dept. at a reputable firm of solicitors, who overseveral years hadbullied and isolated him self to such an extent that everyone resigned before, on the basis that this was all my fault, turning his attention on me. In my defence all I can say is that I was an alcoholic, I wasn't a drunk,at least not when it mattered, I'm sure that many of those who read this thread will appreceiate the distinction, in fact evento this daythere are manyformer friends and colleagues who would be amazed to learn of this.

As a result of these two individuals bizarre behaviour I eventually, after effectively losing everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, except for my son, twice I tracked the causedown to the fact that they both displayed the signs associated with untreated and therefire undiagnosed 'autism' or Autism Spectrum Disorder as it is properly known.

These events were some time ago now and I was relieved of my alcohol-ISM on the 15th Of Feb.,2008. and have on a daily basis tried to make spiritual progress, strengthening my sobriety with the resultant benefits in both my personal,financial and spiritual circumstances.

The one day, about two weeks ago I received a visit from someone that should,at least on paper been most enjoyable, as opposed to the fact that for me there were 'faint stirrings', echoes of the past, as we continued to email over the next week or so,itbecame more obvious that this person displayed the same signs as had happened before, I ended it, but bot before mentally falling into a state of confusion and depression.

That has now thankfully passed, more importantly I've remained sober. On reflection of these events and allying to 'Clancy's' definition of the term, alcohol-ISM I now realise that as a recovering alcoholic, and due to the traumatic events of the past, which I'm sure we've all suffered to a greater pr lesser degree I exist in a state of fragile vulnerability whichrequres me to be ever vigilant!

The 'Big Book' says ,'Remember, we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful' and what is in the can or bottle is but a symptom! I also realise that the -ISM's can come in many forms and at any time with no restrictions placed on them but that of our own self knowledge and beliefs, especially in the god of our understanding.