Things are looking up, thanks for this forum!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 28
Things are looking up, thanks for this forum!
This is my 2nd post on this forum. I have been lurking for about a week.
After 10 years of sobriety, I had 2 days of binge drinking (secretly in my bathroom) on wine last fall. I stopped - the holidays came and went (nothing changed in my life) and I repeated the same thing about a week ago. Bars are not my friend. I would never drink out in the open and admit I needed something like that to help me manage or relax. I drank secretly. Alone. By myself. Grocery stores are my enemy, not bars.
I was active in AA 10 years ago. Then just stopped altogether. Got married, had 4 kids. I have been either planning a wedding, pregnant or breastfeeding during those 10 years so very preoccupied and of course never even thought about alcohol during this time. I really thought after all this time I was over alcohol and it would never control me the way it did in my younger years. I am "more mature" now. I am "more in control" of myself now. A different person. I'm a smart, successful woman - I can handle it. Who was I kidding?
Like I said before, I changed nothing in the last 6 months. I didn't try to grow myself spiritually. I didn't try to become active back in AA. Just said it was the 1 fluke I had in 10 years, so I forgave myself and moved on. And here I am again, having repeated the same thing I did last fall.
I am slowly working on myself. I did go to see a psychiatrist and am in counseling with a therapist at that psychiatrist's group. I am working on ME for once. I am discovering I just don't have the "tools" to deal with life and the insane schedule of demands I create for myself. I work 2 full time jobs, have 4 kids under 7 and I do all this at the expense of myself. Things have to change. I have to change. A lot. I desperately need to learn coping skills, boundaries and how to say no to people.
I am thankful for finding this forum. Reading this week has helped. Asking God for help on my knees is big for me, too. I have been ignoring Him long enough. My life has been in the fast lane going one way (and fast) for so long, I just don't know how to handle it when someone tries to change lanes or cuts me off. Coping is hard for me. Alcohol was a comfort.
I have to find new comforts. New strategies. New tools.
I'm here, reading, and thankful. I'm past the desperation and shame. I'm ready to build myself into the person I want to be for me - and for my family who depend on me.
Thank you! For all the wonderful, insightful posts.
After 10 years of sobriety, I had 2 days of binge drinking (secretly in my bathroom) on wine last fall. I stopped - the holidays came and went (nothing changed in my life) and I repeated the same thing about a week ago. Bars are not my friend. I would never drink out in the open and admit I needed something like that to help me manage or relax. I drank secretly. Alone. By myself. Grocery stores are my enemy, not bars.
I was active in AA 10 years ago. Then just stopped altogether. Got married, had 4 kids. I have been either planning a wedding, pregnant or breastfeeding during those 10 years so very preoccupied and of course never even thought about alcohol during this time. I really thought after all this time I was over alcohol and it would never control me the way it did in my younger years. I am "more mature" now. I am "more in control" of myself now. A different person. I'm a smart, successful woman - I can handle it. Who was I kidding?
Like I said before, I changed nothing in the last 6 months. I didn't try to grow myself spiritually. I didn't try to become active back in AA. Just said it was the 1 fluke I had in 10 years, so I forgave myself and moved on. And here I am again, having repeated the same thing I did last fall.
I am slowly working on myself. I did go to see a psychiatrist and am in counseling with a therapist at that psychiatrist's group. I am working on ME for once. I am discovering I just don't have the "tools" to deal with life and the insane schedule of demands I create for myself. I work 2 full time jobs, have 4 kids under 7 and I do all this at the expense of myself. Things have to change. I have to change. A lot. I desperately need to learn coping skills, boundaries and how to say no to people.
I am thankful for finding this forum. Reading this week has helped. Asking God for help on my knees is big for me, too. I have been ignoring Him long enough. My life has been in the fast lane going one way (and fast) for so long, I just don't know how to handle it when someone tries to change lanes or cuts me off. Coping is hard for me. Alcohol was a comfort.
I have to find new comforts. New strategies. New tools.
I'm here, reading, and thankful. I'm past the desperation and shame. I'm ready to build myself into the person I want to be for me - and for my family who depend on me.
Thank you! For all the wonderful, insightful posts.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
'leaning on my own understanding'...
S'fuuny you should postthis thread, especially the lastline on it,'leaning on my own understanding', only last week I went through one of those phases when I start to feel 'twitchy' and uncomfortable with myself. I wrote about in an email to a friend, pointing out that I was in danger of not only losing my serenity but worst still drinking.
I've now restored that and literally just replied to my friend who was concerned for my welfare, pointing out that first and formost, certainly for me I had to remember, even in over 3 yrs of sobriety I was an alcoholic, a recovering alcoholic, yes but nevertheless an alcoholic and in order to retain my sobriety it was necessary for me to take certain steps, summarised by keeping in close contact with the god of my understanding and making efforts to enlarge my spirituality,for without that I was indanger of becoming a 'dry drunk' and it doesn't take to long before the word 'dry' gets omitted, in fact you don't even have to try, it does it all by itself.
The 'Big Book' says,' remember , we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful' and if you're an alcoholic, you don't even have to drink it!
I've now restored that and literally just replied to my friend who was concerned for my welfare, pointing out that first and formost, certainly for me I had to remember, even in over 3 yrs of sobriety I was an alcoholic, a recovering alcoholic, yes but nevertheless an alcoholic and in order to retain my sobriety it was necessary for me to take certain steps, summarised by keeping in close contact with the god of my understanding and making efforts to enlarge my spirituality,for without that I was indanger of becoming a 'dry drunk' and it doesn't take to long before the word 'dry' gets omitted, in fact you don't even have to try, it does it all by itself.
The 'Big Book' says,' remember , we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful' and if you're an alcoholic, you don't even have to drink it!
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