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Where was I?

Old 03-02-2011, 07:28 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Erie, Pa.
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Where was I?

Actually, when I found this site, my cross addicted BF was about to get out of intensive 28 day inpatient rehab for crack. Not court ordered, self realized. And had quit drinking 8 months prior. I decided to learn all I could especially after he shared warning signs papers, etc, with me, to help guide him.

That was about a year ago. I foolishly thought this was behind him. After 11 1/2 months, he broke down and told me he was using for about the last month. Within a week of telling me, he quit his job, sold his vehicle (that he got as a reward for himself for being clean and sober... he loved that truck), and bought a bus ticket out of town, without even telling anyone his plans. He never even said goodbye to me.

I'm hurt. I'm angry. And I hate addiction. The day before he left, he called me briefly, saying only, "no matter what happens, wait for me". He's a grown man, going on 40, whose mother still keeps his secrets. She was holding the title to his truck, so he had to ask her for it, yet she didn't tell me until 2 days after he left that he called her from the bus station. Oddly, that same afternoon we was supposed to come over, but he just left. Absolutely no one knows to where... or at least that's the story I get...

I'm going thru things in my head, like do I wait, cuz those papers told of the warning signs, but no second page to tell what I'm supposed to do when I see them. He wouldn't listen to me anyway. I'm grown, too, I know I need someone I can count on, and for years he's proven he can't hold a job or be there for me, even. He disappears for 2 to 5 days from everyone and everything. He says money is a trigger for him, so another good job with benefits out the window.

I'm glad he isn't "squatting" at my house in between jobs. I'm thankful I can live within my means. Even tho I'm lonely, and feel I've invested so much time and energy into this, I'm reading posts of those who were strong enough to leave to better themselves. I have alot of work to do on ME.

He doesn't think of ME, so I guess it's time I do.
Thanks for reading. Kim
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