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There is no doubt that once I understood the term,'real alcoholic' found in the opening line of Chapter 3,'Alcoholics Anonymous' ..1st Edition... ,'The Big Book' as we call it, I didn't make any progress towards sobriety.

Unfortunately I am not only a voracious reader and have been since a very early age, many years later, after suffering from,'mild depression' I found myself being described by a Consultant Psychologist as having,'high innate intelligence accompanied by a similar degree of sensitivity and empathy', news to me! I was a ,'friendly, able intelligent person', the BB told me that too!

In simple termes then,'numbnuts' here needs to have a full understanding of anything or I'm likely to start asking questions and if I don't get the answers, which I can comprehend and fully understand, I'm out the door, no problem with that, I am an alcoholic, what do you expect?

So for me there are three types of ,'alcoholics', 1. 'heavy drinkers', -likely to die younger, 2. 'those addicted to alcohol', put 'em in a rehab centre, dry 'em out and provided they steer clear of their,'drug of choice' they are literally,'home and dry', yes, I know it's not quite as simple as that, but stick with me. 3. 'real alcoholics' which make up about 8% of those who fall into the three categories I've roughly described.

Way back in the 1930's Dr.Silworth talked about a ,'physical allergy' and he was right! Science has progressed since then showing that the mind and body of a ,'real alcoholic' , like me are different than those of a ,'normal, social drinker' who digests alcohol at the rate of about 1oz. per hour.

Not so with a,'real alcoholic' in their case the enzymes in their bodies work less effectively, slowing the whole process down which inturn means that thealcohol, instead of passing through the system lingers there sending signals to the brain saying,'GIVE ME SOME MORE!', leading to the vicious cycle repeating itself over and over again!!!

So that's the physical and mental aspects, understood, but if ,'alcoholism' is a threefold illness, where does the ,'spiritual', and most important element come in? I asked myself, the name of the disease is,'Alcohol - ISM! Take the alcohol away then and your left with the -ISM's, which I liken to,'life'.

You see everyday, 'life' fires little arrows which which fly through the air indiscrminately, hitting everyone, e.g. an unexpected bill arrives, the car tyre gets a flat, you forgot to make a pickup at the dry cleaners, hell! it's your birthday! those are ,'arrows' and for a ,'real alcoholic' they are all AIMED AT YOU!! of course they are not, but that doesn't stop you thinking that and when that happens your emotions start kicking up and the biggest enemy of alcoholics everywhere,'self will', kicks in. Deadly.

You see , as I learned, for a,'real alcoholic', like me the one thing that alcohol will do to me and for me no matter what my circumstances, happy or sad, it will instantly make everything,'AARRRLRIGHT!!!' setting off the ,'vicious cycle' physically and mentally that I mentioned previously, with the same results. Sickening, isn't it?

So the only defence is the change my perspective, undergo a ,'phsicic change' as Dr.Silkworth said, work on my ,'spirituality', hand my life and will over to the god of my understanding and guess what? Eventually I saw that the -ISM's ,'the little arrows', 'life' hit other people not just me! If I handed my life and will over to the god of my understanding,worked the Steps and aimed for spiritual progress on a DAILY basis, I was fine, most importantly I was just me but I needed the god of my understanding, now if miracles can happen to me, I'm sure they can happen to all of us, remember,'Those who thoroughly follow our path. . . .'. Mike W.

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Escuse the typographical errors, e.g.,'pshicic' should read,'psychic' ,M.

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Of course,'escuse' is missing an x, anybody awakeyet?