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Cunning, baffling, powerful!

Old 12-10-2010, 11:53 PM
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Cunning, baffling, powerful!

This morning I remember when I realised I was an alcoholic, albeit I had been drinking on a daily basis for years.

On the night before, a Friday I'd driven home from work, stopped off at the local shop and bought 4 cans of ,'my drug of choice' , super strong lager, 9.9 ABV, drunk myself to oblivion by drinking them in quick sucession and as per usual collapsed in bed not feeling to good about myself.

The next morning, full of high resolve and aiming for just one alcohol free day, not a week, month or anything like that, just a day, that's all, I took things easy, had a good heathy breakfast, hit the bathroom and after dressing made my way to the local library expecting to spend the day in a state of sobriety with a good book, WRONG!!!

After making my selection I stepped out of the library doors and before I'd gone but a few paces was not filled, but consumed with an overwhelming desire to drink, it was driving my very being. I rasn to the shop, the same one I'd only visited some 15 hours previously, bought my cans of strong lager, hurried home and without a glance at my books, threw them down my neck as if my insides were on fire, oblivion followed, for it is, as I now understand it like drinking a full bottle of whisky all at once.

When I awoke, some hours later, feeling ill, guilty and full of self loathing, the feelings we are all to familiar with I then realised the strength of thjose words in ,'the Big Book',"remember we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful" for whilst I had been drinking for many years and indeed it was many years before I hit my ,'rock bottom' and had my alcoholism taken from me I had never been placed in the position of experiencing such afeeling, almost like a ,'rusk' of craving, desire call it what you will of my,'drug of choice'.

Alcohols control over my very existence was then complete, I didn't own myself anymore, a problem thatI thought I could control no longer existed, it controlled me, it's sheer power was awesome, and for me the journey, although it was a long time coming, began. Mike W.
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