It's been two years and two months to this day.
It's been two years and two months to this day.
When I came here I was a wreck. I had lost one part-time job (not drinking related), a girlfriend (drinking related) and a grandfather. I had already been drinking sporadically, few days a week, and after all that it went to all-day. Last time I was daily drinking it was pints of whiskey, this time it was fifths of vodka and even that sometimes didn't get me through.
I was going to AA at the time, but I felt no connection there. They were still strangers to me. I was too embarrassed to show my face their (I have anxiety problems) but I was getting desperate.
I found this place. It was a huge help. I could hide myself a little better, you couldn't see my face or know my name, therefore I could also open up. This place was support 24 hours. I foolishly detoxed at home but I got well enough to get out and found a meeting which is still my homegroup.
Since two years ago it's been up and down. I have had slips and relapses, I think my longest was 8 months clean. That was up until the other day when I had a four-day blackout bender. So I'm back. I'm back to my roots. I strongly believe in me. I'm not going to kick myself this time (the booze did a fine job of that.) I'm just going to learn and be learnt.
And while that may not be the best recovery story, bear in mind that if I hadn't tried recovery there would've been two years of misery, addiction and possible death. I just lost four days, but here's another chance and I'd be a fool not to take it.
I was going to AA at the time, but I felt no connection there. They were still strangers to me. I was too embarrassed to show my face their (I have anxiety problems) but I was getting desperate.
I found this place. It was a huge help. I could hide myself a little better, you couldn't see my face or know my name, therefore I could also open up. This place was support 24 hours. I foolishly detoxed at home but I got well enough to get out and found a meeting which is still my homegroup.
Since two years ago it's been up and down. I have had slips and relapses, I think my longest was 8 months clean. That was up until the other day when I had a four-day blackout bender. So I'm back. I'm back to my roots. I strongly believe in me. I'm not going to kick myself this time (the booze did a fine job of that.) I'm just going to learn and be learnt.
And while that may not be the best recovery story, bear in mind that if I hadn't tried recovery there would've been two years of misery, addiction and possible death. I just lost four days, but here's another chance and I'd be a fool not to take it.
Sounds like me. I had almost four years sobriety in March of 2007 and chose to drink again. Joined up here Christmas day 2008. Had some weeks and months of consecutive sobriety since. Vacations always seem to get me now. I've drank my way across Australia, Texas, Georgia, and California these past three years. Sure would be nice to get back into the pre-2007 sobriety groove.
Here's my whole story:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wbie-here.html
Hang in there and keep shooting for the mark and eventually we'll hit it. I think you're onto to something by not beating yourself up. I'm there.
Here's my whole story:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wbie-here.html
Hang in there and keep shooting for the mark and eventually we'll hit it. I think you're onto to something by not beating yourself up. I'm there.
Welcome back Isaiah, I sure hope your 4 day binge was your last binge. It's up to you. The only thing you have to do is not pick up your drink. Stay away from the bar, liquor store, and others who are drinking. Some people can drink casually and responsibly, others cannot. You seem to fall into the cannot category. The reason is that an addicts brain just can't stop once he gets started. I wish you a full recovery. You can do it. If I can stop using pills, you can stop drinking. Nobody was more addicted than me. My trick to sobriety is, don't pick up the drug, and don't put a drug in my mouth. I also used prayer. I now have 5 1/2 years totally clean. God Bless You and Good Luck.
Oh no. I definitely cannot drink.
The good news is, I full know that I can't because I wont stop. I gave up controlled drinking. The bad news is that hasn't entirely been a deterrent. Even though I may not be aware of it myself, I know there's some aspect of "para-suicidal" behavior to my drinking.
Scary biz.
The good news is, I full know that I can't because I wont stop. I gave up controlled drinking. The bad news is that hasn't entirely been a deterrent. Even though I may not be aware of it myself, I know there's some aspect of "para-suicidal" behavior to my drinking.
Scary biz.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Heywood,Gtr.Manchester
Posts: 242
We all have our own paths!
Hi, nothing changes, all lifeis immpernance, the only thing that changes, is ourselves, wise words, but what do they mean?
You sound just like me, and I suspectmany others on SRC, onestep forward, two steps back, pick yourself up, listen, stumble about in the dark, reaching for something, not sure what, call it sobriety.
I spent thirty years as a drunk, 19 years ago traumatic events ocurred in my life, not caused by me drinking,although it played a contributory part, result I slowly, almost without noticing it, at least initially began to change my perspective, reading mainly, discarding what I didn't like , so that I came to realise that the ,'Doctors Opinion' and the first 164 pages of,'The Big Book' never lied to me and it WAS necessary, however stupid I felt or clumsy to,'thoroughly follow their path'
I not only learned but understood what a 'real alcoholic'is and what Dr.Silkworth meant by ,'physical allergy' in mental and physical terms for,'real alcoholics', I made spiritual progress, in my case found in fundemental Buddhism,'The Four Noble Truths' and even in my darkest days, still drinking, Inever let up, until the night of Feb., 14th , 2008 when,sparing you the details I hadmade myself so ill, I felt death was imminent , I prayed, begged, screamed for release from my suffering,fell asleep, within days I proved to myself that any tolerance to alcohol, physical, mental, or spiritual had been taken from me, that remains the case to this day, take care, Mike W.
You sound just like me, and I suspectmany others on SRC, onestep forward, two steps back, pick yourself up, listen, stumble about in the dark, reaching for something, not sure what, call it sobriety.
I spent thirty years as a drunk, 19 years ago traumatic events ocurred in my life, not caused by me drinking,although it played a contributory part, result I slowly, almost without noticing it, at least initially began to change my perspective, reading mainly, discarding what I didn't like , so that I came to realise that the ,'Doctors Opinion' and the first 164 pages of,'The Big Book' never lied to me and it WAS necessary, however stupid I felt or clumsy to,'thoroughly follow their path'
I not only learned but understood what a 'real alcoholic'is and what Dr.Silkworth meant by ,'physical allergy' in mental and physical terms for,'real alcoholics', I made spiritual progress, in my case found in fundemental Buddhism,'The Four Noble Truths' and even in my darkest days, still drinking, Inever let up, until the night of Feb., 14th , 2008 when,sparing you the details I hadmade myself so ill, I felt death was imminent , I prayed, begged, screamed for release from my suffering,fell asleep, within days I proved to myself that any tolerance to alcohol, physical, mental, or spiritual had been taken from me, that remains the case to this day, take care, Mike W.
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